Category Archives: All About ME!

All things ME related, lol!

I’m Baaack… kinda!

logoSo here’s the scoop! I am back in the adult business, but not in the same way as before. I am still retired from XXX modeling, though I may dip my foot back into the fetish model pool at some point – who knows, but I have returned on the other side of the camera. My amazing man and I have married our talents, him a cinematographer and I an adult entertainer, and have birthed our very own production company… Sinfully Divine Entertainment. This venture is brand new, but we have already started shooting content and are scouting for studio location around downtown Las Vegas. Exciting!!!

As part of Sinfully Divine Ent. we have teamed up with RPX After Dark to bring you some of the hottest solo site on the market. There will be a variety of options available to models including a 50/50 split option, low cost pay in full option and several payment plan options to fit your budget. The 50/50 split option will include content production, webmastering and marketing as well.

logo_bbwconAdditionally, I have entered back into the land of events. In 2012 & 2013 we brought you BBW FanFest and in 2015 we will bring you BBWcon! The official BBWcon announcement won’t be made until August 1st, so stay tuned to find out all the awesome details!

On the agenda is also the launching of BBW Hunnies! BBW Hunnies is a model management company formed and run by successful active and retired models. BBWH-LogoWe’re excited to have the experience of veterans like Farrah Foxx and the new visions of models like Sashaa Juggs to guide our endeavors. At BBWH we will help models find paid work as well as assisting with image makeovers, independent sites, self marketing and production, as well as teaching models about copyright laws and other need to know info about the adult industry. There has never before been a company that was formed to mentor girls in this industry. We have formed an extensive collaboration to pool resources and provide models, male and female, with the most valuable information available to date. We WILL NOT do the work for you, but if you want to learn how to be successful, we can guide you.

10565282_793241027377404_7582657812919395789_nI couldn’t be more excited to be in this position. It took me a long while to decide what I wanted to do, or even to decide if I wanted to separate myself from the adult world ALL together. I’ve had many discussions and have developed what I think to be THE BEST team of people to bring these visions to life.

Special thanks to Plumperpass.com for sponsoring BBWcon 2015. It wouldn’t be possible without you!

 

 

Favorite Fan Mail!

I just got my FAVORITE type of fan mail and it totally turned my day around. I want to share it with you all as this helps to assure me of why I do what I do. ♥
Most people think that I do what I do for men solely, but that was never my intention. Since the very first moment that I decided to become an adult model it was always because I wanted plus size women to know that we are beautiful and amazing. One day the world will come around and realize what I have always known, every woman is divine in every essential feature that she possesses. There is beauty in every curve, every flaw and every element in which makes us all unique and special. LoVe yourselves ladies, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

 

Dear Desiree,

I don’t know if you already get a lot of fan mail from women like me, but I just had to thank you.

Let me explain how I found you….I am a BBW and I am just discovering the term FA or fat admirer. I do not know how you feel about this term, and I am not even sure how I feel about it yet, I am just glad that there are men who find big women beautiful and aren’t too timid to admit it. I doubt this is any kind of surprise to you, since I imagine you make your living from these exact men (and women). One of the men who openly speaks about being an FA mentioned you in a video on youtube. I had no idea who you were, so I looked you up.

I have watched a couple of your videos, and I had a mixture of emotions. Of course I was turned on, but something else happened. I realized that I had no trouble finding you sexy and beautiful, that was apparent. So the immediate question that followed, was, “Why do I have such a hard time feeling that I am sexy and beautiful, especially in sexual situations?”

It made me very emotional. I have tortured myself with imaginings of how my lovers must view me when we are having sex…and my imagination has rarely given me a positive picture. I have always been so hard on myself about my appearance. Even when I knew I looked good dressed with my make up and hair flawless, and a man was showing interest, the thought would always creep in “Yes, but if he saw you naked, it would be all over.”

I am so sad that I have done this to myself for so long. I have been working very hard (in therapy) to really love and accept myself just as I am. Whether I lose or gain weight, I just want to feel love for myself It sounds so nauseatingly trite to some people, but it has taken years for me to come close to a place where I can say that I am beginning to really feel this.

I would never have suspected that a woman like yourself would be another piece of the puzzle for me. Meaning, I did not expect to feel the way that I did, after watching you perform. You are very sexy, and gave me an actual image of what a woman truly confident in her sexuality looks like. I needed that picture and I thank you for it.

Let me say, however, that I am not deluded. I understand that you probably don’t feel this way all the time, you are a human being, and we all have shitty days. I do wonder if you feel happy about the work you do, or if you feel objectified or taken advantage of in any way. Though you seem like a very self assured and powerful woman, I understand that life is complex, and the choices we make sometimes are the result of difficult pasts. Wait, I am NOT going to psychoanalyze you, I just want to be clear that I have no illusions about life. I respect you for how far you have come, and for being what appears to be, a very successful business woman.

Thank you again. I wish you happiness, wealth, and all the things you dream of. I send you love and admiration, and hope for you, all the best.

Love,
Nelle=

Thank you all for all of your love and support… it means the world to me!b4

2013 Underway!

Well we’re 15 days into the New Year and I feel like I’m knocking on death’s door. Unfortunately, I got struck down by this years flu and am just now starting to see some improvement after yesterdays venture to the ER. I am going to share with you a story about my ER experience, since it has really been my only experience of the New Year, besides being stuck in the house going through a box of tissue and a bottle of NyQuil a day.

Here was my experience:

We had seen this hospital several times in passing, as we live nearby. After being sick for 11 days, and with fever and the inability to breath, I decided it was time for the ER. I drove myself and Platinum, who was also ill, to the hospital. As we were on the freeway near the hospital we saw a billboard that said FAST ER waiting time 19 mins. We thought “Awesome” and figured we would be seen quickly. Needless to say, that billboard was GROSSLY inaccurate. We checked in at approx 1:30pm and was not called to triage until about 2:40pm. Out entire ER experience lasted about 6 hours and I did have a 1 hour breathing treatment.

While waiting in the ER I had the most heartbreaking and disturbing experience. A little old lady, 96 to be exact, was asked to go into the public women’s restroom alone to pee in a cup. I followed the lady in, after I was given some meds myself for fever. God only knows how she filled her cup, but she was crying, trying to get up from the toilet and pull up her pants. I offered her my help right away. I had her hold onto my shoulders and hoisted her up, pulled up her depends and pants, put the lid on her urine, put it in the bag and literally put my hands under her arms and carried her out to her wheelchair where her son was waiting. She had told me that she had fallen and she was afraid that she had injured her back… I cannot believe the hospital staff asked her to go in there alone. Afterwards when I brought it to the attention of the nurses they apologized to ME and told me I shouldn’t have helped her because I was already sick and could’ve hurt myself. They should’ve been apologizing to her and not made her gone alone! I was furious and disgusted how things were handled. I wasn’t trying to be a hero, I just did what I thought was right and was saddened at the fact that no one else even acknowledged the inhumanity of it all.

I understand that hospitals get busy. I also understand that this was a new area, that they were under staffed and having technical issues with the computer system. I also understand there is absolutely NO excuse that makes this situation okay. The thing is people are so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t even realize that could’ve easily been them, their mother, grandmother or loved one. We have got to do better people.

Moving forward this year, I am going to remember this experience and make sure I always do my part. I figure the best way to strike a change is to lead by example.

hands_elderly

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish everyone around the World a very Merry Christmas, Happy: Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus and Holidays! May your day be filled with fond memories, love and laughter. This Christmas has given me so much, and I’m not speaking in terms of material items.

For many years I have been somewhat of a Grinch and had always done my best to avoid the Holidays due to my own personal reasons. This year a few select people have helped me to see that the Holidays, though not ideal, could be a wonderful time of celebration. I have always done my best to be grateful and appreciative for everyone and everything, but I think sometimes we all get a little lost in what we wish we had. When I pulled my head out my ass, I actually realized that what I have is even better than what I was stuck hoping for.

Today I am beyond grateful for my life, in all facets. I am thankful for every lesson, every gift, every second spent with loved ones and every day that I get to wake up and start anew. I am also beyond grateful that I am able to share my life and experiences with all of you! Much love this Holiday season!
merry_christmas_happy_holidays-wide

Know Me…

I’m the secret rendezvous
Never the public display
I’m the other woman
Never the only woman
I’m the good time
Never the long time
I’m the lusted
Never the loved

I am a survivor
Never a victim
I am charitable
Never selfish
I am loyal
Never dishonest
I am valuable
Never expendable

Some say shameless whore
I say lucrative business woman
Some say barren harlot
I say healthy butterfly
Some say damaged
I say insightful
Some say licentious
I say liberated

Everyone will assess me
Most will judge me
Some will tolerate me
Few will accept me

It only takes one to love me.

Dating Disasters: “FB Busted”

So my recent experience was kind of a doozy. I had met a man who it had seemed I was meant to meet… I mean I was certain it was Kismet. To give you a little back story… I have  private and personal Facebook profile that I only add my close friends and family to. Several years ago, 4+ maybe, I had added a guy who I had known of, but we had never actually met even though we have many friends in the same circle. A couple of months ago I went through my friends list and unfriended everyone that I hadn’t met in person. So even though we ran in the same circles, because of travel and whatnot, our paths never crossed and I unfriended him.

Approximately 6 or so weeks ago, myself and several of my girlfriends went out to a local restaurant called Blueberry Hill after the club for some drunken dinner. Since I was the designated driver I was sober and sitting at the table listening to the drunken rambling when I saw a man walk in accompanied by a lady, who I had assumed was his girlfriend. When I saw him I actually said out loud “Is that _______?” I will refer to him as DA for future reference. So as I’m sitting there wondering if that had been my long time FB buddy, I saw him keep looking back at me like he recognized me as well. I still didn’t want to say anything as to not disrespect that lady he was with. As we were wrapping up and standing up to leave, I bent down to get my purse and when I stood up he was standing behind me and said “Are you Desiree?” I responded, “Are you D?” he said yes, took my number and that’s where it all began.

For the following weeks it had seemed like a warm, fuzzy dream. I loved spending time with him… I absolutely adored him. Just being around him brought me a certain peace and happiness that I hadn’t experienced in a VERY long time. I adored him and he claimed to be fond of me as well. I opened up to him telling him things I am reluctant to share with most people. I have a troubled past and it often causes complications for me in my relationships, but I was determined to make a conscious effort to overcome my issues.

Being as it was, DA is a very talented cartoonist and I had asked him to help with BBWFFlogoa project and in turn I would help him with some of his professional needs. He drew an amazing logo for the BBW FanFest and I was so impressed and thankful that I was motivated and inspired to go above and beyond to help him be successful in his work. Needless to say I ended up investing a lot more than I got in return. HOWEVER… the logo is amazing as you can see for yourself!

Now you can imagine with pretty much everything being amazing between us how utterly baffled I was to get a friend request from his GIRLFRIEND on FB. I mean REALLY? He had stayed nights and full days at my house… but when I looked at her profile, her profile picture was a picture of them together and there was this post and I quote: “Lions and Texans game has brought me quite a bit of entertainment while working on this beautiful Thanksgiving Day. Everyday I am thankful to have a job, i’m healthy, and I can go home everyday to the man I Love ____DA____”! Wow… the balls on this guy… Godzilla doesn’t have that amount of balls. It’s so crazy that he hid the fact that he LIVED with a woman so well. I was on his FB everyday and there was NO indication that he had a gf or anything.

The best part of this is when I asked him who she was and told him I was out, he got mad at ME! He asked me why I questioned who she was and said that since we weren’t in a committed relationship that it was none of my business who he lived with. LOL… this muthafucka here boy, I tell you WOOW! He had the audacity to mock my feelings and tell me “I’m sorry I hurt you so bad since you thought you were gonna marry me!” REALLY asshole? Yup, I was hurt… Yup, I felt betrayed… Yup, I let my emotions get the best of me… BUT regardless of how I feel… YOU sir are a liar and a douchebag! He continued by telling me that even if he was single he never had any intention of being in any kind of relationship with me due to my line of work. It’s funny how I was the best thing since sliced bread until you get caught in your own deception and then try to turn it around on me.

Needless to say our brief encounter came to an abrupt halt. I sent this kind assholegentleman this well deserved merit badge and applauded him for being a real class act. I told him not to worry I wouldn’t tell his gf about his douchebaggery and we could just pretend that we never ran into each other and go on with our lives as they were. I guess at this point in my life I am just over it. I will never understand why people don’t have the ability to be honest. My personal belief is that if you’re honest in the beginning then there will be no problems in the end… I guess that’s not a widespread belief. Some people can’t help but leave a trail of emotional destruction and I’m not gonna feel bad like I made it that easy to walk in and out of my life. This time it was him, not me. Deuces!

Click here to listen to this blog narrated by me!

Thanks isn’t enough!

This blog is far overdue and for that I sincerely apologize. So much has happened since my last entry, it will take several follow-up blogs to tell you everything, but for now I just want to get to the most important update. This is a follow-up to my last blog, In a time of need…

Both Platinum and I would like to thank those who lent a helping hand, whether it was $5 or $300, every cent mattered. We were overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and fans. We were able to move into a new home and acquire some of the basic necessities. We also appreciate everyone who donated household items to help us get started! There is no “Thank you!” big enough to express how grateful we are. We are blessed to have each and every person in our lives.

It has been a month since we moved into our new condo and I must say it is AMAZING! We were able to do some very inexpensive decorating and it feels just like home. It’s warm and full of life, but mostly SAFE. We live in a MUCH better, gated and secured community. LUCKILY, the rotten thieves didn’t steal my cupcake kitchen decor and it all fits perfectly in our new kitchen! Below you will find a couple of pics of our new place!

The only downside to our place is that the floors are bamboo throughout and the ceilings are high and vaulted so it makes quite an acoustic environment. When I say you can hear everything, I mean EVERYTHING! If a fly farts it echoes! When the vibrators are on it sounds like chainsaws and lawn mowers… don’t even get me started on hearing each other having sex, lol! I think our next project is to sound proof the bedrooms! Oh… and we a ghost, but it’s cool until it starts making messes!

Again, thank you ALL for your love and support. ❤

In a time of need…

I would like to begin by stating my apologies in advance. This blog has taken me over a week of thought and has proven one of the most difficult things I have ever had to write. This is going to be the first time in my entire career that I am going to open up and ask for a very personal favor. If you have gotten to know me throughout the last few years, or are just now learning me, you will find that I am very proud and very driven. I try my best to keep my personal life private and that includes my personal tragedies. I will warn you now, if you’re not up for some in-depth reading, you might want to turn back.

This has been a very tough yet fulfilling year for me in many ways. I have been cancer free for a little over a year now, I have rekindled a relationship that I had feared lost forever, I was part of a very successful ground breaking event and I have relocated to Las Vegas in hopes of pursuing my long time goals and passions. Upon moving to Vegas I was not familiar with the city beyond the infamous Strip. Though I had traveled to Vegas many times in the past I’d never ventured out much past downtown. Unfortunately while looking for a residence we didn’t take the time to really research the areas and based our search off of online searches and floor plans… we REALLY should’ve paid more attention to the reviews. Anywho… we got into an apartment that seemed like a good deal since it was just going to be temporary. Needless to say, it was HELL.

As usual, I travel a lot, as does my roommate and our other, newly acquired, roommate. Myself and Platinum headed to the East Coast for an impromptu tour after BBW FanFest and Jezebel headed to LA for a visit with her mom. We all ended up being gone for much longer than anticipated, but after being gone a month Jezebel returned and everything seemed fine. It wasn’t until she was away at her boyfriend’s that our apartment was broken into, they kicked in the front door, and we were cleaned out. Luckily, Jezebel kept most everything at her bf’s, but I wasn’t so lucky. Everything I am left with pretty much consists of a bed frame, dresser and a desk. It would take me awhile to list everything they took, but I can tell you the even took the food out of the freezer. I was shocked to find that they took all of my clothes as I am MUCH bigger than the average woman, lol, I mean really, who is gonna fit into them?

So without going into a complete sob story of how this event has devastated me in particularly, I will just say that after growing up in foster care and not having much, I take it especially hard when people steal from me… not to mention the breach of my personal and private space. The hardest part has been how nonchalant the apartment management has been and how they have shown zero concern about our safety… NOT TO MENTION how they are trying to fuck us with the renter’s insurance. It seems as the property has changed management since we have been there and through the transition had let the insurance lapse. Mind you they NEVER gave us notice of this cancellation NOR did they stop accepting our money every month to cover it. They are not making it easy on us for sure and we are the victim’s. At this point it looks as though we will need to acquire an attorney and sue them for our loss.

As we cannot possibly stay there any longer we will need to find a new, safe, place to live and replace everything that we lost out-of-pocket. I cannot tell you that this event could NOT have taken place at a worse time for us financially as we have invested most of our personal funds into future business ventures. We have worked SO insanely hard over the last 6+ months to procure new ventures and have done some intense networking in hopes of making some long time dreams become reality.

These kind of things are never easy to deal with but we are doing our best to deal with the situation and stay positive and motivated. Even though it was not how we had hoped to do it, this has pushed us into moving into a better more secure place so we can focus on all of the amazing things we have in the works.

So… without making you read anymore and turning this into a novel I will do what has been so difficult for me and get to the point. We are asking for those who can, to lend a hand in our time of need. We have lost pretty much everything and without insurance money starting over isn’t going to be easy. We are working on covering our moving costs and getting the essentials, we can build the rest over time. We’re not asking for a handout, we have thank you gifts for those who can help out and I will list them below. I will also add a link to our site where you can donate using your credit card though a secure processor. We will also be working on updating our Amazon wish lists and you can also donate using Greendot or gift cards to places like Walmart, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond etc.! If you live in Vegas and have mattresses or any other furniture or household items you would like to donate, please shoot me an email!

We can’t thank you enough for your support and generosity in this time of need. To show our gratitude, below is a list of gifts we are offering for your donation. Please accept our humble thanks as we embark on our next chapter.

$20 & ↑ – Personalized phone call from both Desiree & Platinum
$50 & ↑ – Call + Membership to both DesireeDevine.com & PlatinumPuzzy.com
$100 & ↑ – Call + Memberships + Autographed DVD
$300 & ↑ – Call + Memberships + DVD + Custom video

To donate via credit card please visit BonaFideEnterprises.com
To donate using Greendot or other gift cards please email desireedevine@gmail.com
Desiree’s Amazon wish list
Platinum’s Amazon wish list

As always, thank you for your continued LoVe and support!
XoXo, Desi

Free To Be Me!

A quick update: Well  I’m a couple of months settled into my place here and Vegas and as of now, it’s the best move I could’ve made! Not only have I gotten back to living a life I love, I have gotten back to WORK… lol! I still need to get to shooting again and start working on webcam more, but I’m definitely staying busy with traveling and private sessions. I gotta say… I LoVe my life!

As of lately everything has been going so well and I have been so happy I had almost all but forgotten about all the folks around the world that don’t exactly approve of my lifestyle and chosen profession. Today I received a text about how God disapproves of my sexual sin and need to find my way back into His grace before the end of days. My response to that… no response at all. Look… to all the Bible thumping Jesus freaks who think it’s their job to judge, you too are committing sin. I’m not sure why religious people seem to know less about the written word than us mere sinners, but it clearly states that no one sin is greater than the other. So if my sin is being a whore and your sin is judging me for it… then by the standards of YOUR God, we are both condemned to the depths of hell. I am by NO standards religious, in fact I actually disdain organized religion, but I am spiritual and believe that our existence is too perfect to have been by chance. However in MY world, I imagine the God that everyone speaks of is kind, accepting and ultimately forgiving.

I figure that if my family and friends know what I do and I can live with the opinions of the people who REALLY matter to me, everyone else’s opinion is irrelevant. As long as I can live with my choices knowing that I am not hurting anyone and can sleep with a clear conscience… I am free to be me, without regret. I may not live a conventional life, but I’m also not the kind of person that would be happy living in a box. My world is vast and amazing. I have been places that I never thought I would go, met people who I NEVER thought I would meet and have been able to do things, for myself and others, that I would have otherwise never been able to do.

The best part of being me is that I don’t judge and I don’t make people feel bad about who they are or how they live. I figure if you are not causing pain or drama then be exactly who you want to be. I have a picture hanging on my wall that says “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” and every day I read it and think “There’s no one else I’d rather be!” I may not be perfect but dammit, I’m pretty fuckin awesome! I urge you to live outside the box, be unique and don’t listen to those who throw stones. You only get one life and it’s up to you to live it to its fullest potential. If you’re looking for happiness, look inside yourself and make a choice to make a change. What’s right for you may not be what’s right for everyone else but that doesn’t make it wrong.

As always, thank you for the continued love and support! (✿◠‿◠)

Sin City Radio!

So last Sunday night I got the awesome privilege of going on the radio here in Las Vegas with the super fabulous women of The Curvaceous Bounty of Sin City! I can’t possibly begin to tell you how much fun I had… I seriously laughed so hard at points I almost piddled my pants… the broads a HE-FUCKING-LARIOUS I tell you! I am going to post the link so you too can piddle in your pants and get to know me a little bit better!

Click here to watch my interview on Ustream!