I just got my FAVORITE type of fan mail and it totally turned my day around. I want to share it with you all as this helps to assure me of why I do what I do. ♥
Most people think that I do what I do for men solely, but that was never my intention. Since the very first moment that I decided to become an adult model it was always because I wanted plus size women to know that we are beautiful and amazing. One day the world will come around and realize what I have always known, every woman is divine in every essential feature that she possesses. There is beauty in every curve, every flaw and every element in which makes us all unique and special. LoVe yourselves ladies, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t know if you already get a lot of fan mail from women like me, but I just had to thank you.
Let me explain how I found you….I am a BBW and I am just discovering the term FA or fat admirer. I do not know how you feel about this term, and I am not even sure how I feel about it yet, I am just glad that there are men who find big women beautiful and aren’t too timid to admit it. I doubt this is any kind of surprise to you, since I imagine you make your living from these exact men (and women). One of the men who openly speaks about being an FA mentioned you in a video on youtube. I had no idea who you were, so I looked you up.
I have watched a couple of your videos, and I had a mixture of emotions. Of course I was turned on, but something else happened. I realized that I had no trouble finding you sexy and beautiful, that was apparent. So the immediate question that followed, was, “Why do I have such a hard time feeling that I am sexy and beautiful, especially in sexual situations?”
It made me very emotional. I have tortured myself with imaginings of how my lovers must view me when we are having sex…and my imagination has rarely given me a positive picture. I have always been so hard on myself about my appearance. Even when I knew I looked good dressed with my make up and hair flawless, and a man was showing interest, the thought would always creep in “Yes, but if he saw you naked, it would be all over.”
I am so sad that I have done this to myself for so long. I have been working very hard (in therapy) to really love and accept myself just as I am. Whether I lose or gain weight, I just want to feel love for myself It sounds so nauseatingly trite to some people, but it has taken years for me to come close to a place where I can say that I am beginning to really feel this.
I would never have suspected that a woman like yourself would be another piece of the puzzle for me. Meaning, I did not expect to feel the way that I did, after watching you perform. You are very sexy, and gave me an actual image of what a woman truly confident in her sexuality looks like. I needed that picture and I thank you for it.
Let me say, however, that I am not deluded. I understand that you probably don’t feel this way all the time, you are a human being, and we all have shitty days. I do wonder if you feel happy about the work you do, or if you feel objectified or taken advantage of in any way. Though you seem like a very self assured and powerful woman, I understand that life is complex, and the choices we make sometimes are the result of difficult pasts. Wait, I am NOT going to psychoanalyze you, I just want to be clear that I have no illusions about life. I respect you for how far you have come, and for being what appears to be, a very successful business woman.
Thank you again. I wish you happiness, wealth, and all the things you dream of. I send you love and admiration, and hope for you, all the best.