Tag Archives: break up

Dating Disasters: “FB Busted”

So my recent experience was kind of a doozy. I had met a man who it had seemed I was meant to meet… I mean I was certain it was Kismet. To give you a little back story… I have  private and personal Facebook profile that I only add my close friends and family to. Several years ago, 4+ maybe, I had added a guy who I had known of, but we had never actually met even though we have many friends in the same circle. A couple of months ago I went through my friends list and unfriended everyone that I hadn’t met in person. So even though we ran in the same circles, because of travel and whatnot, our paths never crossed and I unfriended him.

Approximately 6 or so weeks ago, myself and several of my girlfriends went out to a local restaurant called Blueberry Hill after the club for some drunken dinner. Since I was the designated driver I was sober and sitting at the table listening to the drunken rambling when I saw a man walk in accompanied by a lady, who I had assumed was his girlfriend. When I saw him I actually said out loud “Is that _______?” I will refer to him as DA for future reference. So as I’m sitting there wondering if that had been my long time FB buddy, I saw him keep looking back at me like he recognized me as well. I still didn’t want to say anything as to not disrespect that lady he was with. As we were wrapping up and standing up to leave, I bent down to get my purse and when I stood up he was standing behind me and said “Are you Desiree?” I responded, “Are you D?” he said yes, took my number and that’s where it all began.

For the following weeks it had seemed like a warm, fuzzy dream. I loved spending time with him… I absolutely adored him. Just being around him brought me a certain peace and happiness that I hadn’t experienced in a VERY long time. I adored him and he claimed to be fond of me as well. I opened up to him telling him things I am reluctant to share with most people. I have a troubled past and it often causes complications for me in my relationships, but I was determined to make a conscious effort to overcome my issues.

Being as it was, DA is a very talented cartoonist and I had asked him to help with BBWFFlogoa project and in turn I would help him with some of his professional needs. He drew an amazing logo for the BBW FanFest and I was so impressed and thankful that I was motivated and inspired to go above and beyond to help him be successful in his work. Needless to say I ended up investing a lot more than I got in return. HOWEVER… the logo is amazing as you can see for yourself!

Now you can imagine with pretty much everything being amazing between us how utterly baffled I was to get a friend request from his GIRLFRIEND on FB. I mean REALLY? He had stayed nights and full days at my house… but when I looked at her profile, her profile picture was a picture of them together and there was this post and I quote: “Lions and Texans game has brought me quite a bit of entertainment while working on this beautiful Thanksgiving Day. Everyday I am thankful to have a job, i’m healthy, and I can go home everyday to the man I Love ____DA____”! Wow… the balls on this guy… Godzilla doesn’t have that amount of balls. It’s so crazy that he hid the fact that he LIVED with a woman so well. I was on his FB everyday and there was NO indication that he had a gf or anything.

The best part of this is when I asked him who she was and told him I was out, he got mad at ME! He asked me why I questioned who she was and said that since we weren’t in a committed relationship that it was none of my business who he lived with. LOL… this muthafucka here boy, I tell you WOOW! He had the audacity to mock my feelings and tell me “I’m sorry I hurt you so bad since you thought you were gonna marry me!” REALLY asshole? Yup, I was hurt… Yup, I felt betrayed… Yup, I let my emotions get the best of me… BUT regardless of how I feel… YOU sir are a liar and a douchebag! He continued by telling me that even if he was single he never had any intention of being in any kind of relationship with me due to my line of work. It’s funny how I was the best thing since sliced bread until you get caught in your own deception and then try to turn it around on me.

Needless to say our brief encounter came to an abrupt halt. I sent this kind assholegentleman this well deserved merit badge and applauded him for being a real class act. I told him not to worry I wouldn’t tell his gf about his douchebaggery and we could just pretend that we never ran into each other and go on with our lives as they were. I guess at this point in my life I am just over it. I will never understand why people don’t have the ability to be honest. My personal belief is that if you’re honest in the beginning then there will be no problems in the end… I guess that’s not a widespread belief. Some people can’t help but leave a trail of emotional destruction and I’m not gonna feel bad like I made it that easy to walk in and out of my life. This time it was him, not me. Deuces!

Click here to listen to this blog narrated by me!

Dating Disasters: “D” Bag

Installment 2 of the “Dating Disasters” series is brought to you by my good friend Platinum Puzzy! This one is going to be a fickle tale of flattery FAIL! Enjoy…

As far as my dating disasters go back, MANY MANY moons ago, “D” was one of the VERY first heart breaks and dose of dating reality I would ever encounter.  We met through mutual friends at a BBQ.  I was invited by my friend Stacy, he was invited by her husband Richard.  He first caught my eye when I was a pouring drink for myself, waiting for the Tyson fight to come on.  He was attractive, nice smile, smelled VERY good and was very laid back.  Our eyes kept meeting, it was apparent he had expressed some interest in me as well and eventually I had enough drinks to get up the courage to accidentally bump into him and begin a conversation.

We exchanged numbers, made small talk and eventually parted ways and finishing the night apart.  I didn’t give him much more thought for the next few days and finally he called.  We talked for hours, sharing life stories, what we want and don’t want and eventually geared towards a conversation about dating.  Of course, the first things we got out the way were our relationship status, kids, etc.  He says he is single, and so am I and that was that.  We both agreed that we were looking for something “casual” but with the open option for whatever we both may be up for.

A few more conversations were exchanged, and finally he asked me out on a date.  IT WAS ABOUT TIME.  The first date was great, he said and did all the right things.  We ended with a romantic kiss, butterflies in my stomach and all.  I went to bed dreaming of what a wonderful time we had, and anticipated his next call.

The first month of our “dating” experience was like something out of a storybook.  He called frequently, came and saw me regularly and maintained as if I was the only one.  Then the pieces started falling apart and the questions poured in.

Month 2 of our “relationship” or so I thought, we spent a lot of time arguing.  I would question his absence, he would make up detailed lies to cover his tracks.  I am a collections rep and detective by nature, and if I want to find the truth I will.  Eventually the truth would find me.

It came during a time when things “seemed” to be normal, and I was beginning to just accept that maybe the turbulence of relationships past were haunting my emotions.  He had convinced me that I was just nervous and to relax.  Then, the drama ensued.

I was at work, anticipating my lunch date I had with “D” with only 30 minutes to go and I get a call.  Hello, is this “Kari?” from a strange number and a strange female voice.  I replied, “yes it is, how can I help you?”  She went on to tell me that she knew about me, knows I’ve been spending time with “her man” and that she is now informing me that it was over.  Silence overcame me, and I couldn’t fix my mouth to even respond.  Those butterflies in my stomach turned to a knot and had me ready to vomit.

I didn’t divulge any information until I found WHO she was and if she was REALLY who she said she was.  I was going to get answers before digging a hole and giving into her.  I told her I had to go, finish working and that I appreciate her call, and proceeded to hang up on her.  It was almost lunch time and I was meeting the VERY person I wanted to confront in just minutes.

The time to clock out DRAGGED and seemed like HOURS more than minutes.  FINALLY, it was that time, and I ran out of there faster than Flo Jo.  I pulled up to the restaurant where we were having lunch, and didn’t see his car so I went in, got us a table and waited for him to come.  After 5 minutes passed, and this is unusual for him I decided to call and find out where he was.  He didn’t answer, and at this point I knew something just wasn’t adding up.  I was going to give him a few more minutes and if I didn’t hear from him, it was time to bounce and go get something to eat and head back to work.

Quarter after, I am grabbing my pocket-book and getting ready to leave when he comes storming in and tells me to sit down.  His voice was angry, and he was a bit forceful.  I already have an attitude, and look at him like “Are you crazy or just stupid?”  but sit down to obtain answers to what in the sam hell is going on.

The FIRST thing that comes out of his mouth is “What did you tell her?” ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hell nah!  Needless to say, I didn’t eat lunch and he wasn’t trying to do anything but demand answers himself.  I explained what happened, and that I didn’t share anything and began interrogating as to who she was to him and why was he worried about her calling me.

I could NEVER be prepared for the answers.  WIFE?  You are married?  You have KIDS?  You told me you didn’t have kids!  Oh hell no… Here I was dating someone who wasn’t even AVAILABLE.  Luckily for me, the answers came before any real feelings developed and I was able to break it off before I was TOO hurt about it.

What is funny about this situation, when they finally divorced a couple of years later he had the BALLS to hit me up and ask if I would be interested in dating him again.

>>>>>>>>>>>>> YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!  ABSOLUTELY NOT <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

And that was one of my VERY first dating disasters.  Had be been honest, I would’ve at least had the option to deal with this or decline.  I wouldn’t have because the last thing I was to be is #2 on someone’s list of priorities and if shit falls through the “other” woman is ALWAYS left with nothing but empty hands. End of story.

Seasons of change!

What I feel right now, in this moment, can best be expressed by one of my all time favorite poems:

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

My life has had it’s fair share of peaks and valley’s and I have cried until I’ve laughed and laughed until I have cried… they say that tears cleanse the soul, so my soul should be squeaky clean, LOL!

As of late I have had to do some serious reflection and make some extremely difficult decisions for my life. Recently a friend said that what’s good for you, and what is right for you, is not always easy for you and it rang so true. For me it seems like I always have to do things the hard way… it’s just my way I guess. Relationships have not always been easy for me as I have a lot of flaws and am not always the easiest person to handle. I have had my spells of depression and my quick Irish/Italian temper has caused some issues but mostly it is my lack of trust and faith in people. I try to hope for the best but in the back of my mind I am always expecting the worst.

I LoVe the poem above so much because it really puts a positive spin on all types of relationships… no matter why a person comes into your life there is always a lesson that you are supposed to learn behind it. Even when things go horribly wrong there is something positive that can be taken from experience. I strongly believe that each person that we come in contact with is a person that was meant to be there at the exact time… our lives are like a puzzle and each person, relationship, experience is a piece of that puzzle. It is odd how when I reflect on all of my interactions, there has been someone that has come into my life at the precise time I needed them. Those experience may not have turned out how I had intended but I can honestly say that I am grateful for each and every person.

Someone a while ago came into my life that pulled me through a rough patch and helped me to see the light through the darkness. For me I felt like they saved me and I will be eternally grateful. Hopefully one day when I have reached a place where I am emotional rock I can be someone else’s guiding light, though that may take some time. I wish I could say that I am strong and stable… that I have no fear of falling back into the darkness, but I would be a liar… I am not. I struggle often to think of the positive when I am surrounded by the negative… to see the finish line over the hurdles… or to pick myself up and look towards success after failure.

I am taking the next step in my journey of life and for the first time in a long while I am taking it alone. There are many, many things that I would like to do and try and some of these things I have to experience on my own. A very long time ago I was a strong, independent, confident, self assured woman who made the impossible possible. I had a life experience that changed that for me and made me feel like I couldn’t go it alone anymore, that I couldn’t make it without some type of crutch. Through time and A LOT of self reflection I feel that I am slowly but surely becoming the woman that I used to be… that I really was all along but just couldn’t see in the dark.

In closing I want to thank everyone who has come into my life for a reason, a season or for a lifetime. A special thanks to Andy and Samantha for being my anchor… through all the years of ups and downs you have been there and I LoVe you for it more than you will ever know… I am eternally grateful. For those of you who ave entered my life for a reason or a season, thank you for your piece of my puzzle and your contribution to who I am today. Lifers… you know who you are… thank you for accepting me for me and never judging… thank you for sharing your lives with me, I’m blessed to be a part of it… but mostly thank you for always being there, no matter what… I LoVe you guys!

Coming back!

It’s been quite some time since I posted a blog about what was going on with me, and for that I apologize. As many folks know, for the last 6 months or so I have been on somewhat of a hiatus. I took some time out to find myself and figure out who “I” really am. Though my journey has had many ups and downs I feel like it has been productive. I’m not quite sure if I am any closer to really finding me, but I’ve learned some lessons and I’m still alive… barely, lol!

Coming back really has several meanings for me. I’m not only coming back to the net or to the industry, but I’m coming back to the self I used to be. For many, many months I have been out of the social loop and I feel like I’ve missed so much. I know I’ve missed my friends, events and working… I can’t tell you the last time I took a picture. I have also missed the freedom of being able to do what I want and see who I want. To be who I want.

See for me the last 6 months has been more than a hiatus, it’s been like a prison. For the first time in my life I was involved with an alcoholic. When I met him I knew he drank but not to the extent that I would find later. I thought if I changed for him, quit the industry and was a good little house kitten that he would quit drinking and we would live happily ever after, man was I delusional! The cold hard truth is that no one will change unless they want to. People have to change for themselves, period. I’m no longer in that relationship, I’ve moved past it and I’m stronger for it.

SO… what’s in my future??? Well, I’m going to get back to work making movies and taking pictures. I’m still working on my talent agency, fun. I’m looking into doing some club promotion and attending a lot more events. I’m also wanting to start up a BBW phone sex line in January. I will be blogging a lot more about myself and the events that I will be attending, etc. I have a lot on my plate and can’t wait to get started!

In closing I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported me through this time. My friends and fans have really been a rock for me and if it wasn’t for you guys I wouldn’t have the drive and inspiration to get back to what I love, so thank you all… I LoVe you!

My day…

Today was kind of an odd day with many emotional ups and downs. I woke up a bit anxious and immediately started cleaning the kitchen. After finishing the kitchen it was time to get ready for my scene with Christian with a trip to the nail salon. I always LoVe going to the nail salon, the foot massages are my favorite! After getting pampered at the salon I had to rush back home to shower and make it to the set.

I was the first one to arrive on set, and I was late, I ended up waiting outside for about 20 mins before someone showed up to let me in. The make-up artist was a super cool chick, and again I LoVe hair and make-up because I feel pampered! The scene with Christian was amazing, as always… blog post to follow soon, but afterwords was kind of a downer.

After the scene, Christian drove me home and I was telling him about my recent break-up… lol, he told me to stop telling him the story because it was depressing. Since the break-up was so emotional for me it got me to thinking about my childhood, growing up in foster care still affects me today. I really started thinking about how sometimes we, as people, just want to be loved. I have no real family, my friends are my family, so sometimes I think I may have settled for less than I deserved out of pure loneliness.

I never thought I would admit that I was lonely or just wanted to be loved, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t be being honest. I’m just blessed for what I do have in my life and that is good friends and a GREAT job, lol!

To Whom it May Concern:

I have tried and tried to be cool with you and yet you disrespect me. I reached out to you when I didn’t have to because I knew how you felt and was sensitive to what you were going through. I attempted to include you, no matter how awkward it was for me. I put aside my own feelings in an attempt to make it easier for you. I am a great person with much integrity and my efforts were all in vain.

Why must you be so immature? Why must you make things more difficult than they have to be? What is it that drives you to feel compelled to speak on me when you don’t even really know me? I have news for you sweetie… people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, as your own house can and will shatter around you! I am who I am and I am not ashamed of what I do. If I was afraid of someone finding out what I do for a living I would be more careful about putting my face all over the internet, magazines and DVD! I understand that once you make the decision to put something on the internet it will ALWAYS be there in some form or fashion. Don’t be surprised if something pops back up with you in it one day! With that said, when it comes to my personal life it i still MY choice who I divulge information to… not yours!

If you have made your choice to be vindictive and bitter, then understand that you will be held accountable for your actions. To speak poorly of me and my character shows that you are the one that in fact lacks in character. Of course I have yet to observe any type of substantial character on your part. I’m sure under different circumstances you are a kindhearted person, but it is at times like this when someones true character is revealed. It’s not the situations that we go through that build our character, it’s how we deal with them that defines it.

You are the past, I am the future… accept it and move forward! I respect the relationship that once was and I would expect you to be adult enough to respect the relationship that IS! It would be beneficial on everyone’s behalf if you would accept the fact that I am not going anywhere, just as I have accepted your role in my life. Yes, I said your role in MY life. Regardless of any other relationship, we will have one of our own. I am not the enemy, in fact I can actually be quite an ally.

When exiting someones life there is proper etiquette, as it seems you are unaware, here are a few tips you should take just for your own benefit.

  1. Nobody is the only one to blame; each person takes ownership of their own parts. You can’t begin or end a relationship by yourself. So, reflect and acknowledge your part and stop playing the blame game.
  2. Revenge is not the business… you will inevitably end up being bitch slapped by karma. When you try to take revenge on someone you will undoubtedly be the one that suffers in the end. Everyone around you sees what you are doing, even if you are delusional enough to think it’s ok because they deserve it. (i.e. your child will resent you for using them as a bargaining chip and people will lose their respect for you for not being a bigger person.)
  3. Don’t make things more difficult than they have to be. Talking shit amongst mutual friends, avoiding necessary conversation, holding belongings hostage, inviting others to get involved to stir up more drama and trying to sabotage the other persons relationships are all examples of unnecessary conduct. Making a spectacle of yourself just to get attention should be left up to the toddlers that don’t know any better!
  4. Find new friends, unless they were your friends prior to the relationship. It is incredibly awkward and selfish to put people in a situation where they are forced to take sides. People may try to reach out because they are trying to be nice, but don’t be “the one” who doesn’t get it! C’mon, we’ve all invited someone somewhere just to be nice… get a clue!
  5. Move on and take an active role in rebuilding your life, don’t sit around and wait for a new life to come to you.

Relationships sometimes fail… it doesn’t make either person a “bad” person, it just means that you weren’t a good match, that’s it! Stop whining about how horrible things were in the past and make a positive effort to make better changes for the future. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t, plain and simple. Without trying to sound insensitive and I can’t reiterate it enough… it’s time for you to move on because we already have!