Tag Archives: desiree

Know Me…

I’m the secret rendezvous
Never the public display
I’m the other woman
Never the only woman
I’m the good time
Never the long time
I’m the lusted
Never the loved

I am a survivor
Never a victim
I am charitable
Never selfish
I am loyal
Never dishonest
I am valuable
Never expendable

Some say shameless whore
I say lucrative business woman
Some say barren harlot
I say healthy butterfly
Some say damaged
I say insightful
Some say licentious
I say liberated

Everyone will assess me
Most will judge me
Some will tolerate me
Few will accept me

It only takes one to love me.

Sin City Radio!

So last Sunday night I got the awesome privilege of going on the radio here in Las Vegas with the super fabulous women of The Curvaceous Bounty of Sin City! I can’t possibly begin to tell you how much fun I had… I seriously laughed so hard at points I almost piddled my pants… the broads a HE-FUCKING-LARIOUS I tell you! I am going to post the link so you too can piddle in your pants and get to know me a little bit better!

Click here to watch my interview on Ustream!

BBW FanFest 2012

This is an exciting topic to blog about, especially for me… as most people know, back in 2008, myself and a few of my fellow BBW’s sued Adultcon for size discrimination. We rented booth space, but when we sent in photos of ourselves to be placed on their event website, we were denied due to not being “height/weight proportionate”. It was a major slap in the face considering that we work just as hard in this industry, if not harder, than the skinny porn folk. It is also known that AVN is not an avid supporter of BBW. There are very few BBW related movies that ever get nominated and there are definitely NO BBW talent categories. Exxxotica is a neutral convention… though they welcome us, they do not promote us as being a part of the event. At the end of the day BBW’s are like the red-headed step child of porn. I  understand that we are in what’s considered to be a fetish/niche market, but come on.

The exciting news is… there is a NEW convention that is exclusively for BBW’s and the fans who love us! It is called BBW FanFest and it pops off for the first time in Las Vegas, July of 2012, the weekend prior to the annual Las Vegas BBW Bash! There will be more details to follow very soon… be guaranteed that I will keep you up to speed on this event as it unfolds… I’m VERY excited!

Here is a random pic from one of the photo shoots we did for the BBW FanFest marketing campaign…Me with Lexxxi Luxe and Ms. Dawn P.

Urban X Awards!

I am very excited and honored to announce that I have been nominated for the Urban X Awards BBW Star of the Year. This is my first award nomination and I am thrilled to say the least! There are several BBW’s nominated, some whom I admire and am proud to be running against.

Though I am not in this industry to win awards and walk the red carpet, it does feel amazing to be recognized for my body of work and makes me want  to work twice as hard this year to be blessed with an 2012 nomination… maybe even an AVN, but I won’t push it LOL. Every day I am humbled and today is no exception.

I would like to take this time to ask you to PLEASE go to the Urban X Awards website and vote for me for BBW Star of the Year. The awards will be held in LA on July the 23rd and voting began today. Without the fans of our work none of this would even be possible, so from the bottom of my dark heart… thank you.

Click here to cast your vote!

XoXo, Desiree Devine

Ice Cream Cool Down!

Hey there folks…

With summertime right around the corner, I like to do whatever I can to try to stay cool, especially since I now live in AZ, and one of my favorite ways is of course ice cream. Two of my favorite flavors are cake batter and caramel fudge swirl, so if you want to get on my good side that’s a great way to start.

I remember one time I was having a nice sugar cone full of cake batter ice cream and was walking thru the kitchen when I spilled a little on myself… it felt so cool against my body that I got a devilish idea and walked over to my shower. Stepping into it, I scooped the ice cream in my hand and, taking a deep breath, put it all over my boobs. My nips totally shot up into the air and the rush I got from the cold sensation was awesome. I started licking the melting cream off of my tits and they never tasted better.

So then I scooped up another handful and put it over my shoulder. My spine tingled as the ice cream oozed down my back and reached my ass. It felt so good as I rubbed in the cream all over my ass and then brought my hands around to my belly and then up and under my boobs. By then, the cream had gotten nice and sticky so I turned on my shower, got the barely lukewarm water going and rinsed the ice cream all off of my voluptuous body. It was pretty sweet…to say the least LOL

Happy St Paddy’s Day Er’rybody! AND if you see me, KISS ME cause I’m half Irish!

Jokes vs Insults!

Before I begin this entry I want to start by saying that I am the least politically correct person I know. I find humor in the just plain wrong… but if it’s done in the spirit of laughter I’m all about it. I LoVe to laugh and do it more than most about things that most “normal” people find offensive… sooo if I’m not laughing… you’ve gone too far. There is a bold line between joking about something and being just down right insulting.

When you look around after telling a “joke” are you the only one laughing? If so, chances are you’ve crossed the line. I have several friends that are career comedians… a few of my closest ones being Keith FromUpDaBlock, Felipe Esparza and Diaz Mackie… and though they poke fun at some pretty delicate topics they do it in the spirit of fun. To me being funny is almost an art, not everyone was born with a funny bone some were just born with a stick up their ass. Some people open their mouth and you can’t help but laugh, but others couldn’t deliver a punch line if they were being assisted by a ventriloquist. Then there are those who THINK they’re funny, but they are really just douchebags who think insulting people is funny.

There is nothing less funny on this planet than watching someones feelings get hurt. The gloom that comes over their face is heart breaking and there is NOTHING comical about that. I don’t know about you, but I have been to comedy shows where comedians have crossed the line from funny to insulting and this whole awkward silence falls over the room but he just didn’t get it and kept digging until people actually got up and left. People actually looked traumatized but yet the comedian was cracking up like he had just inhaled a balloon full of nitrous oxide. I can only speak for myself but I don’t find it fun if everyone isn’t laughing with me.

I mean, I find things like ☚ this picture HILARIOUS even though some would find it offensive, but I don’t believe that the person who came up with it thought “I hate fat people so I am going to make this shirt so fatty’s all over the world will feel my contempt!” LOL… seriously! Now if the shirt said fat people shouldn’t be allowed in the forest because they might ignite a forest fire from their chafing thighs… then maybe… but I would probably still find even that a bit humorous… I know, I’m sick!

My whole point is that to joke about being broke and making light of the struggle is much different than putting people down for not being as well off as you and laughing “at” them. NO ONE wants to be laughed at… we should ALL want to be laughed with. I personally think that laughter is good for the soul but if done in malice you are paving your own express lane straight to hell. We have to make light of things in life or we would all be depressed and suicidal but there are boundaries, and as human beings we should be aware and practice the art of respect.

I have a much obscure line than most when it comes to what I deem as humorous… at what point do you think the line has been crossed?

LoVe Dystfunctionalfied!

I know dysfunctionalfied isn’t really a word, but it is what best describes the following poem that I had written for someone several years ago. It’s so funny to have found it after all this time and think about who it was written for. Though the relationship was a disaster, the feelings it brought forth were amazing and if I’m lucky, maybe one day, I will find a person worthy of feeling those feeling for again.

This poem was never really meant to be seen by anyone other than whom it was intended for, but I think it’s a good look at what make my LoVe so dysfunctional.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to find the words to express
Just how much I want to reach out to you and say yes
I have spent so much of my life alone
I could never see past the gray cyclone
My past was like a tornado destroying everything in its route
My heart was like the wreckage, damaged and full of doubt
Much like the ruins, I was lost as it seemed I’d never recover
No shelter from the pain, I was a child without a mother

It seemed like the clouds lingered for years
No one around that could hear my tears
I kept my emotions isolated from all the world around
I vowed to never again have my heart beat into the ground
They can take my body; they can cut me like a knife
But they will never take my soul; I guard it with my life
Who knew that one day the clouds would part and the sun would shine through
Who knew there was still hope and who knew I would find you
In a world with so much chaos and endless sorrow
I never would have thought I would look forward to tomorrow
You took me by surprise when you touched me so deep
You made me forget the hurt and made me want to leap
So here I am now so open and exposed
To you I promise to never be closed
I give you me, no more, no less
You have my apologies; I know I’m a mess

As you can see I am no poet, but my emotions are raw, which I actually find to be quite freeing. What really stands out to me now is how I came from such a dark place into the light, but when the light was gone I regressed right back to the tortured blackness. I’m not sure if I’m capable of “healthy” LoVe, but I hope that when the universe sends someone my way that it takes into consideration the metric fuck ton of patients he’ll need.

My Picture…

As I sit here in my new Arizona apartment, alone and quiet, watching movies of love lost and then found, I am overwhelmed by emotion. It has been a long time since I last wrote, but not because I was too busy, but more because I could not find my words. The only time I have ever been able to write is when I feel what I have to say matters… maybe not to the general population but to me or someone who may need to hear my words at that exact moment in time. This blog may be a bit lengthy but I am going to take you on a very personal journey, one that I have lived over the last several months.

As most everyone knows I have been traveling, as some would say a nomad, for  quite some time. In my heart I had no real purpose or direction. It was quite an adventure, one that I wish everyone got to experience at least once in their lifetime. I have traveled all over the country and have met some amazing, and some not so amazing, people along the way. I have seen how people eat, live, talk, believe and love all over the country. With this being the United States it’s so funny to observe how separate we really are. The discrimination I have witness is appalling in this day and age as is the quality of human relationships. In fact just the other day I had a long conversation with someone about how the natural order of the universe has been thrown off-balance by the human race, how we have created thing that are unnatural and that is why the world is in such turmoil. Even things like language has divided our world and broken down our lines of communication… for example, animals from anywhere in the world can communicate just fine. Do you think when a dog from Lebanon comes to the States and barks at another dog he thinks “Dude… I don’t speak that woof!” NO, one woof is as good as the next, they communicate without missing a beat. However, on the other end of that I have seen boundless generosity, people who have given their last dollar to someone because they knew they needed it more, I have seen timeless love, when looks have faded, sex has subsided and everything annoying about a person has come to light… 30 years later they couldn’t imagine living one day without each other.

I have been blessed to know people from all walks of life… different shapes, sizes, colors, religion, sexual orientations, cultures and so on. Knowing all of these people and being open to learn from them has given me a gift that I wish I could share with the world… it has given me perspective. See for me I get to look at the world through a looking-glass… I get to stand back and see the WHOLE picture, not just the part of the picture that fits into a small frame. When I look at life I see just how insignificant things are on the grand scale. I see that compared to the universe, earth is like a grain of sand and if you were to think of earth’s existence in a 24 hour time span it has only been created in the last 7 seconds. When you look at things on a larger scale you can really put them in perspective. I know that at some points in time my perspective has been skewed and I have closed myself into that tiny box that I am always trying to burn. I can’t see the big picture because I am to busy trying to get the frame to fit… the problem is the picture doesn’t need to fit the frame, the frame needs to fit the picture.

A lot has happened to me in the last several months. I hate to say that it hasn’t all been positive, but I can say that I have lived and learned. I can also say that I have laughed til I’ve cried and opened my heart to receive. For me, like many, when I get hurt or burned I try to close up like a clam and not let anyone else in hopes that staying guarded will keep my heart safe, but truthfully the only thing it really does is keep your heart lonely. I guess for me the saying “It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.” is true. I also think that we have to go through the bad times to appreciate the good ones. I just wish that it didn’t always take so long for me to remember these lessons when things happen. I would love it if I had a little directory to refer to when situation occurred to show me a similar situation, the outcome and lessons learned.

It has taken me to get to this moment to really reflect on the past months to see how trivial everything has really been. I have focused my time in attention on people and things of little importance instead of focusing on the issues that affect the big picture. I had known for quite some time that I had not been feeling well and instead of listening to my body I continued to press on in hopes that I would one day wake up and feel better… of course it just continued to get worse until I found myself with some pretty serious health issues and having to grow roots and seek treatment. One thing I forget a lot of the time is that we are all pictures within a bigger picture and unless we take care of ourselves we won’t be there to complete our part. Too often people leave this world too early and never get the chance to make their mark. I don’t want to be one of those people. Though I am not afraid of death, I want my life to have meant something even if it means that helped 1 person feel good about who they were or that despite my many flaws I was a good person… to me that would be enough.

So… for the next year I will be living around Phoenix Arizona, so if anyone is near here please reach out and say hello. I have also teamed up with a great girl, Christylee, to do plus size club promotions and events starting with the existing Club Fullfilled! I’ve VERY excited about this new partnership, especially since I will be doing something I LoVe and have wanted to do for several years. There will be more info to follow on the club so stay tuned. At the end of the day you have to take hold of your own paintbrush and design the mark you want to make on the world. Personally, I want my mark to be beautiful and full of light and soul, not dark and filled with anger and regret. I am making a vow to lighten my spirit by letting go of the negative and dedicating my picture to LoVe, LiFe and Laughter!

Going Back 2 Cali Tour!

I know I’m a bit late getting this up but here it is, better late than never, right!

Today Thunder Katt and I hit Chicago and are LOVING it so far… Chitown is living up to its hospitable name! We will be here through the 7th so DON’T miss your chance to meet up with your favorite BBW pornstars! Thunder Katt and I are meeting fans individually or as a savage tag team, LOL! If you’ve always wondered what it would be like to ride the curves of a BIG beauty, or 2, then come on though and make your dreams cum true!

If you just want to meet up and say hello, I am offering individual meet and greets for a small donation of $50… come chill, have a drink and get a personalized autographed 6×9 picture of yours truly along with a photo of us together!

For more details check out DesireeOnDemand.com! Hope to see you soon!

Is LoVe for me? #2

I have blogged about this topic before, in fact a little over 2 years ago and here’s the link to the first blog… “Is love for me?”

It is so funny that I sit here 2 years later to revisit this issue but with a much broader scope. I have now had 2 more full years of being in the adult industry in lieu of the, barely, 1 full year that I had in for the first installment. Even more humorous is that nothing much has changed. I am still single, even though I had had a brief failed relationship quite awhile back, and am still pondering the question, “Is LoVe really for me?”

Though I look at LoVe and relationships with more skeptical eyes each day, I am truly beginning to think that the answer is NO, it’s not for me. I am at a place in my life where I don’t mind being single and am beyond ecstatic to have my independence. One thing that being in this industry, and just plain ol’ life, has taught me is to be careful who you trust… and my trust pool is shrinking by the second. I trust few and believe the words of even fewer. With all of the people trying to blow smoke up my ass I’m amazed there hasn’t been a chimney fire!

I have made the mistake, a couple of times, by letting myself get too involved or even excited at the thought of having a relationship. When it comes right down to it I have to stay grounded to stay safe. I cannot allow my heart to be put on the chopping block. I know what I do is a hard pill to swallow and I know that most men cringe at the thought of the woman they care about being with other men… and I accept that. Even if some men, for a brief moment, thinks that he can overlook it or just not think about it… he’s just fooling himself and in the end it’s more disappointment. What I do is in the open, I don’t try to hide it or keep it secret, as I am not ashamed of the choices I have made. I am who I am… you accept it or you keep it movin!

The choices I have made in life are mine to make and though people shouldn’t judge, they do… it’s reality! So… today I choose me. I choose to LoVe myself as no one else can; I choose to be my own best friend and always stand by my side; I choose to walk in my own shadow so that I will always have my back and I choose to hold hold my head up high and accept me for me… flaws and all. The harsh truth is… you’re all that you have so you better look out for you because no one else will.

Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to find the man, a soul mate, who looks past all of the rules of society and sees me for who I am at my core… who sees all of the things I have to offer and who sees what a unique individual I am. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be a person who conforms to what society deems acceptable… I’m a free spirit. Hold me down and my light grows dim but hold me up and I will shine for you.