Tag Archives: insanity

Industry Truths!

This blog is going to be kind of a hodgepodge of topics… the first being a very real look into the adult entertainment industry. When it comes to any type of work we all do it for the same reason… to make money. We have to make a living at what we do or we need to be realistic about our earning potential, or lack there of. Ladies… if you are trying to get into the adult industry as a career then you have to be very devoted. There are literally thousands of girls that come and go, they get there few little scenes and are to never be heard from again. It takes a lot of work to have any type of staying power. There are also a lot of girls who come in with big dreams, which is great but not always realistic, who try for many years to make it but just barely scrape by. Let’s face it… unless your very mainstream you’re not gonna get rich in porn. In the long run these ladies end up spending more money than they make.

Look… to me it seems so simple… if you can’t afford rent, a car, to feed your kids and/or your house is in foreclosure… you should think of making a new career choice. When you owe several people more money than you will make in the next decade… it’s time to make a change. When it comes to my own career, I’m very realistic… I know my actual earning potential and know that if I don’t make my numbers it’s because I was being lazy. Too often I see girls will that dedicate SO much time attempting to make a name for themselves that they actually end up desperate and doing things that only make it harder for themselves. If you LoVe the attention, awesome, but be realistic… maybe it should just be a hobby for you. Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by the attention… it will be your ultimate demise. The thing that you learn throughout time is that most people will waste your time. Guys will want to chat with you for hours and then go watch your movies on the free porn sites… it sucks but it’s the truth.

My final thought on this topic is that girls also need to be realistic about their age. We all have a shelf life. If you make this your career you should have a back up plan. Once you hit your mid 30’s you’re considered a MILF, which there are some super hot MILF’s, but then the next step is granny porn! I don’t know about most ladies, but I don’t plan on attempting granny porn, lol! There is also the cold hard fact that very few women enter the industry in their older years and are able to be successful, there are some, but not many. If you have been trying to make it in this business for SEVERAL years, you are getting older and you haven’t been successful… chances are you won’t. I’m not trying to be harsh, just honest. There is nothing worse than watching someone run in circles until they have run themselves and their family straight into destitution.

Secondly… the topic of sociopaths has arisen. It seems like this industry is kind of a breeding ground for them. I don’t know if it’s because a lot of us in the industry are already kind of stereotypically dysfunctional or if it’s because to do what we do you have to have a certain degree of abnormal pleasure-seeking tendencies. Either way it makes having relationships in this industry difficult to say the least. I have always know that I am indubitably flawed and because of that I always thought that knowing I am a bit crazy makes me sane. See you can always tell if someone is crazy cause they don’t know they’re crazy! A sociopath will always be a sociopath cause they lack remorse. It’s defined as a personality disorder characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with abnormally immoral conduct despite an ability to appear normal.

It’s hard enough connecting with people and letting them in without having to worry if someone is who they appear to be or if it is all a big facade. I know I have been shamboozled and it’s not an easy thing to recover from. I also have good friends who have been taken for a destructive ride by a sociopath… it’s something that can change a person forever. Trust doesn’t come easily to me and now with always being skeptical of people and their ability to be honest it’s near impossible… but that doesn’t mean I won’t be open because there are good people out there, they are just few and far between. The thing that strikes me most odd about a sociopath is their ability to distort situations to make themselves look like the victim when there is such a clear path of destruction. Their audacity is astounding. When most people are found to be fraudulent they tend to scurry away and withdraw in shame, this is not the case with a sociopath, they see no fault in their actions and continue on their path of destruction.

There are many things that I LoVe about this industry… I don’t want to give the wrong impression. Doing what I do has allowed me to meet amazing, non sociopathic, people, travel, experience new worlds and most importantly share the message of size acceptance to the world. I want ALL women to know they are beautiful (period). No magazine or fashion guru will ever be able to tell me that any one of those stick figure models have the sense of self-appreciation that I feel. I have been a thin model and I know the lack of self-esteem these girls experience cause no matter how beautiful you are you are never beautiful enough… it’s a very sad circle of constant criticism.

That’s all from me tonight… so I leave you with my favorite 3 words…

LiVe. Laugh. LoVe.

Crazy people…

The thing about dealing with crazy people, and I’m talking about the truly insane, is that they don’t know they’re crazy! Even though I learned many years ago that trying to argue or even have a rational conversation with a crazy person is absolutely pointless, I sometimes get wrapped up in the moment. Not that I’m the most sane person roaming the planet, lol, let’s face it, I’m down right certifiable but the difference is that I can hold a descent conversation. The biggest issue seems to arise when crazy people have an alternate reality.

Now the best example of crazy that I have encountered is my mother and can I just say that dealing with someone who has MAJOR denial issues is uber frustrating! Most people already know that I went into foster care at a very young age and had a pretty strenuous almost non-existent relationship with my mother. As I got older we’ve talked more but have continued to have a very strenuous relationship. Recently I have been going through some pretty rough times in my personal life and in lieu of support my mother has decided to give me grief.

I try talking to her about the things she does and how it affects me but she is in such denial and is so immature that she yells and hangs up on me. She tells me to never call her again and that ‘I’ need to make amends to her but never once had apologized, or admitted to for that matter, for anything she put me though as a child. In her world I am wrong and as she says “You have nobody to blame but yourself and the genes you got from your dad…”! *Sigh* Now I’m the first one to fess up to my mistakes but c’mon… at least acknowledge the past as it really was, not the way you have made it up to be in your own head.

I dunno, maybe I’m asking for too much when it comes to dealing with the people in my family. Maybe this is why I’m so picky when it comes to letting people close to me, however I have made mistakes in that area too. We all have crazy people in our lives in some form or another… for sanity to exist there needs to be insanity to keep the balance.