Tag Archives: Life

2013 Underway!

Well we’re 15 days into the New Year and I feel like I’m knocking on death’s door. Unfortunately, I got struck down by this years flu and am just now starting to see some improvement after yesterdays venture to the ER. I am going to share with you a story about my ER experience, since it has really been my only experience of the New Year, besides being stuck in the house going through a box of tissue and a bottle of NyQuil a day.

Here was my experience:

We had seen this hospital several times in passing, as we live nearby. After being sick for 11 days, and with fever and the inability to breath, I decided it was time for the ER. I drove myself and Platinum, who was also ill, to the hospital. As we were on the freeway near the hospital we saw a billboard that said FAST ER waiting time 19 mins. We thought “Awesome” and figured we would be seen quickly. Needless to say, that billboard was GROSSLY inaccurate. We checked in at approx 1:30pm and was not called to triage until about 2:40pm. Out entire ER experience lasted about 6 hours and I did have a 1 hour breathing treatment.

While waiting in the ER I had the most heartbreaking and disturbing experience. A little old lady, 96 to be exact, was asked to go into the public women’s restroom alone to pee in a cup. I followed the lady in, after I was given some meds myself for fever. God only knows how she filled her cup, but she was crying, trying to get up from the toilet and pull up her pants. I offered her my help right away. I had her hold onto my shoulders and hoisted her up, pulled up her depends and pants, put the lid on her urine, put it in the bag and literally put my hands under her arms and carried her out to her wheelchair where her son was waiting. She had told me that she had fallen and she was afraid that she had injured her back… I cannot believe the hospital staff asked her to go in there alone. Afterwards when I brought it to the attention of the nurses they apologized to ME and told me I shouldn’t have helped her because I was already sick and could’ve hurt myself. They should’ve been apologizing to her and not made her gone alone! I was furious and disgusted how things were handled. I wasn’t trying to be a hero, I just did what I thought was right and was saddened at the fact that no one else even acknowledged the inhumanity of it all.

I understand that hospitals get busy. I also understand that this was a new area, that they were under staffed and having technical issues with the computer system. I also understand there is absolutely NO excuse that makes this situation okay. The thing is people are so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t even realize that could’ve easily been them, their mother, grandmother or loved one. We have got to do better people.

Moving forward this year, I am going to remember this experience and make sure I always do my part. I figure the best way to strike a change is to lead by example.

hands_elderly

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish everyone around the World a very Merry Christmas, Happy: Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus and Holidays! May your day be filled with fond memories, love and laughter. This Christmas has given me so much, and I’m not speaking in terms of material items.

For many years I have been somewhat of a Grinch and had always done my best to avoid the Holidays due to my own personal reasons. This year a few select people have helped me to see that the Holidays, though not ideal, could be a wonderful time of celebration. I have always done my best to be grateful and appreciative for everyone and everything, but I think sometimes we all get a little lost in what we wish we had. When I pulled my head out my ass, I actually realized that what I have is even better than what I was stuck hoping for.

Today I am beyond grateful for my life, in all facets. I am thankful for every lesson, every gift, every second spent with loved ones and every day that I get to wake up and start anew. I am also beyond grateful that I am able to share my life and experiences with all of you! Much love this Holiday season!
merry_christmas_happy_holidays-wide

God & The Sinner

I have never before spoken on the subject of religion, but as today is Christmas Eve, I found it fitting… I also got a message that struck up a rather interesting conversation. Most people seem to confuse me as an Atheist because I do not believe in organize religion… that is in fact inaccurate, I am not an Atheist. Atheist, by definition, is a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings… I do not. I very much believe that there is a “God” or a supreme being.

My biggest issue with religion is that it is a man-made structure of belief. There are literally thousands of religions around the world and who to say which religion is “right”? As I see it, there are about 4 people going to Heaven, lol. Then there is the issue of the Bible, also written by man, which has been written and rewritten all based off of interpretations. Once as a kid, I read the Bible, cover to cover, and seemed to understand it very differently than the way most religions teach it. I also find that some of the biggest hypocrites on Earth can be found in churches all around the World.

If so many religions preach peace, why can they not live it and accomplish it? If religion preaches love and acceptance, why are people so full of hate and judgement? If religion teaches the importance of family and togetherness then why are there foster homes, retirement homes, homes for difficult teens, etc. No one takes care of their families anymore, we just shove them off for someone else to take of them because it makes our own lives easier… SMH.

The conversation that lit this fire for me is below…

Mike Leroy Jnr
Repent from fornication and immorality porn woman remember hell is real and your body is d temple of the lord – repent now before it too late christ is knocking

Desiree Devine
LMAO… thank you for the chuckle… I needed a good laugh today! Happy Holidays!

Mike Leroy Jnr
Its not funny you may ridicule the word today but don’t regret tommorrow a word is enough for the wise

Desiree Devine
I’m not the one ridiculing sweets, that would be you. I love and accept everyone for who they are. In fact, I have read the Bible, cover to cover, have you? The same “Lord” that you are referring to states that He does not call upon the righteous as it is the sinners who need repentance… he died for the sinners… ergo Jesus loves and will embrace me even as a sinner. The Bible also states very clearly, and I quote: MATTHEW 7:1-5:

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull the mote out of thine eye; and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

I am no fool. I understand better than you realize. So… please… do not worry about me and my ways as a sinner, but worry about your damnation as a hypocrite. All sins are equal in the eyes of God.

Besos

Now the gentleman has yet to respond to my last message, but I don’t assume he will. The thing about people like me who dispute religion is that we have to study more about religion than the people who claim to be religious. Funny how I have to be extensively educated about religion to dispute it, but you have to know zero about it to shove it down my throat and tell me that I shall be eternally damned. Again, SMH!

On that note, I wish coexisteveryone around the World the HAPPIEST of Holidays. May your days be filled with love and laughter!

Know Me…

I’m the secret rendezvous
Never the public display
I’m the other woman
Never the only woman
I’m the good time
Never the long time
I’m the lusted
Never the loved

I am a survivor
Never a victim
I am charitable
Never selfish
I am loyal
Never dishonest
I am valuable
Never expendable

Some say shameless whore
I say lucrative business woman
Some say barren harlot
I say healthy butterfly
Some say damaged
I say insightful
Some say licentious
I say liberated

Everyone will assess me
Most will judge me
Some will tolerate me
Few will accept me

It only takes one to love me.

Dating Disasters: “FB Busted”

So my recent experience was kind of a doozy. I had met a man who it had seemed I was meant to meet… I mean I was certain it was Kismet. To give you a little back story… I have  private and personal Facebook profile that I only add my close friends and family to. Several years ago, 4+ maybe, I had added a guy who I had known of, but we had never actually met even though we have many friends in the same circle. A couple of months ago I went through my friends list and unfriended everyone that I hadn’t met in person. So even though we ran in the same circles, because of travel and whatnot, our paths never crossed and I unfriended him.

Approximately 6 or so weeks ago, myself and several of my girlfriends went out to a local restaurant called Blueberry Hill after the club for some drunken dinner. Since I was the designated driver I was sober and sitting at the table listening to the drunken rambling when I saw a man walk in accompanied by a lady, who I had assumed was his girlfriend. When I saw him I actually said out loud “Is that _______?” I will refer to him as DA for future reference. So as I’m sitting there wondering if that had been my long time FB buddy, I saw him keep looking back at me like he recognized me as well. I still didn’t want to say anything as to not disrespect that lady he was with. As we were wrapping up and standing up to leave, I bent down to get my purse and when I stood up he was standing behind me and said “Are you Desiree?” I responded, “Are you D?” he said yes, took my number and that’s where it all began.

For the following weeks it had seemed like a warm, fuzzy dream. I loved spending time with him… I absolutely adored him. Just being around him brought me a certain peace and happiness that I hadn’t experienced in a VERY long time. I adored him and he claimed to be fond of me as well. I opened up to him telling him things I am reluctant to share with most people. I have a troubled past and it often causes complications for me in my relationships, but I was determined to make a conscious effort to overcome my issues.

Being as it was, DA is a very talented cartoonist and I had asked him to help with BBWFFlogoa project and in turn I would help him with some of his professional needs. He drew an amazing logo for the BBW FanFest and I was so impressed and thankful that I was motivated and inspired to go above and beyond to help him be successful in his work. Needless to say I ended up investing a lot more than I got in return. HOWEVER… the logo is amazing as you can see for yourself!

Now you can imagine with pretty much everything being amazing between us how utterly baffled I was to get a friend request from his GIRLFRIEND on FB. I mean REALLY? He had stayed nights and full days at my house… but when I looked at her profile, her profile picture was a picture of them together and there was this post and I quote: “Lions and Texans game has brought me quite a bit of entertainment while working on this beautiful Thanksgiving Day. Everyday I am thankful to have a job, i’m healthy, and I can go home everyday to the man I Love ____DA____”! Wow… the balls on this guy… Godzilla doesn’t have that amount of balls. It’s so crazy that he hid the fact that he LIVED with a woman so well. I was on his FB everyday and there was NO indication that he had a gf or anything.

The best part of this is when I asked him who she was and told him I was out, he got mad at ME! He asked me why I questioned who she was and said that since we weren’t in a committed relationship that it was none of my business who he lived with. LOL… this muthafucka here boy, I tell you WOOW! He had the audacity to mock my feelings and tell me “I’m sorry I hurt you so bad since you thought you were gonna marry me!” REALLY asshole? Yup, I was hurt… Yup, I felt betrayed… Yup, I let my emotions get the best of me… BUT regardless of how I feel… YOU sir are a liar and a douchebag! He continued by telling me that even if he was single he never had any intention of being in any kind of relationship with me due to my line of work. It’s funny how I was the best thing since sliced bread until you get caught in your own deception and then try to turn it around on me.

Needless to say our brief encounter came to an abrupt halt. I sent this kind assholegentleman this well deserved merit badge and applauded him for being a real class act. I told him not to worry I wouldn’t tell his gf about his douchebaggery and we could just pretend that we never ran into each other and go on with our lives as they were. I guess at this point in my life I am just over it. I will never understand why people don’t have the ability to be honest. My personal belief is that if you’re honest in the beginning then there will be no problems in the end… I guess that’s not a widespread belief. Some people can’t help but leave a trail of emotional destruction and I’m not gonna feel bad like I made it that easy to walk in and out of my life. This time it was him, not me. Deuces!

Click here to listen to this blog narrated by me!

Dating Disasters: “D” Bag

Installment 2 of the “Dating Disasters” series is brought to you by my good friend Platinum Puzzy! This one is going to be a fickle tale of flattery FAIL! Enjoy…

As far as my dating disasters go back, MANY MANY moons ago, “D” was one of the VERY first heart breaks and dose of dating reality I would ever encounter.  We met through mutual friends at a BBQ.  I was invited by my friend Stacy, he was invited by her husband Richard.  He first caught my eye when I was a pouring drink for myself, waiting for the Tyson fight to come on.  He was attractive, nice smile, smelled VERY good and was very laid back.  Our eyes kept meeting, it was apparent he had expressed some interest in me as well and eventually I had enough drinks to get up the courage to accidentally bump into him and begin a conversation.

We exchanged numbers, made small talk and eventually parted ways and finishing the night apart.  I didn’t give him much more thought for the next few days and finally he called.  We talked for hours, sharing life stories, what we want and don’t want and eventually geared towards a conversation about dating.  Of course, the first things we got out the way were our relationship status, kids, etc.  He says he is single, and so am I and that was that.  We both agreed that we were looking for something “casual” but with the open option for whatever we both may be up for.

A few more conversations were exchanged, and finally he asked me out on a date.  IT WAS ABOUT TIME.  The first date was great, he said and did all the right things.  We ended with a romantic kiss, butterflies in my stomach and all.  I went to bed dreaming of what a wonderful time we had, and anticipated his next call.

The first month of our “dating” experience was like something out of a storybook.  He called frequently, came and saw me regularly and maintained as if I was the only one.  Then the pieces started falling apart and the questions poured in.

Month 2 of our “relationship” or so I thought, we spent a lot of time arguing.  I would question his absence, he would make up detailed lies to cover his tracks.  I am a collections rep and detective by nature, and if I want to find the truth I will.  Eventually the truth would find me.

It came during a time when things “seemed” to be normal, and I was beginning to just accept that maybe the turbulence of relationships past were haunting my emotions.  He had convinced me that I was just nervous and to relax.  Then, the drama ensued.

I was at work, anticipating my lunch date I had with “D” with only 30 minutes to go and I get a call.  Hello, is this “Kari?” from a strange number and a strange female voice.  I replied, “yes it is, how can I help you?”  She went on to tell me that she knew about me, knows I’ve been spending time with “her man” and that she is now informing me that it was over.  Silence overcame me, and I couldn’t fix my mouth to even respond.  Those butterflies in my stomach turned to a knot and had me ready to vomit.

I didn’t divulge any information until I found WHO she was and if she was REALLY who she said she was.  I was going to get answers before digging a hole and giving into her.  I told her I had to go, finish working and that I appreciate her call, and proceeded to hang up on her.  It was almost lunch time and I was meeting the VERY person I wanted to confront in just minutes.

The time to clock out DRAGGED and seemed like HOURS more than minutes.  FINALLY, it was that time, and I ran out of there faster than Flo Jo.  I pulled up to the restaurant where we were having lunch, and didn’t see his car so I went in, got us a table and waited for him to come.  After 5 minutes passed, and this is unusual for him I decided to call and find out where he was.  He didn’t answer, and at this point I knew something just wasn’t adding up.  I was going to give him a few more minutes and if I didn’t hear from him, it was time to bounce and go get something to eat and head back to work.

Quarter after, I am grabbing my pocket-book and getting ready to leave when he comes storming in and tells me to sit down.  His voice was angry, and he was a bit forceful.  I already have an attitude, and look at him like “Are you crazy or just stupid?”  but sit down to obtain answers to what in the sam hell is going on.

The FIRST thing that comes out of his mouth is “What did you tell her?” ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hell nah!  Needless to say, I didn’t eat lunch and he wasn’t trying to do anything but demand answers himself.  I explained what happened, and that I didn’t share anything and began interrogating as to who she was to him and why was he worried about her calling me.

I could NEVER be prepared for the answers.  WIFE?  You are married?  You have KIDS?  You told me you didn’t have kids!  Oh hell no… Here I was dating someone who wasn’t even AVAILABLE.  Luckily for me, the answers came before any real feelings developed and I was able to break it off before I was TOO hurt about it.

What is funny about this situation, when they finally divorced a couple of years later he had the BALLS to hit me up and ask if I would be interested in dating him again.

>>>>>>>>>>>>> YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!  ABSOLUTELY NOT <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

And that was one of my VERY first dating disasters.  Had be been honest, I would’ve at least had the option to deal with this or decline.  I wouldn’t have because the last thing I was to be is #2 on someone’s list of priorities and if shit falls through the “other” woman is ALWAYS left with nothing but empty hands. End of story.

Dating Disasters, A New Series!

So I have come up with the idea to put out a new blog series that highlights the personal dating disasters of myself and my close friends. The funny thing about this series will be that MOST people will be able to relate. Shit, maybe it can even be a helpful guide for the fellas on WHAT NOT TO DO while dating! LOL

Now I want to be clear that this is not a “Man Bashing” event. I will be the first one to admit that I am emotionally retarded. When it comes to dealing with emotions I panic. I don’t panic in a good way either… it’s the kind of running around aimlessly while screaming and begging for death kinda inner panic. So I am in no position to judge anyone, HOWEVER, I do know that  everyone wants to feel special and not be taken for granted.

So… let’s get started! After much consideration, I have decided to keep the names of the individuals private, though I would have loved to put them all on blast for my own personal amusement, but I need to be the bigger person, no pun intended, lol!

I am going to start out with the “Fantasy Stripper” disaster. This experience is precisely why I DO NOT enjoy online dating. A friend convinced me that I HAD to try online dating since I don’t go out a lot anymore… so I did. I set up a profile, which was active for less than 72 hours, with a random user name and basic phone cam pics. I immediately started getting the slew of pervs that I’m certain copy and paste the SAME message to every woman on the site. I started going through messages and saw a few that I figured I’d respond to and there happened to be one who stated that he was a male stripper moving to Vegas in a couple of weeks. Now I have dated male strippers in the past because it just seems like it’s easier when it comes to understanding each others professions, but truthfully I prefer not to… but I figured WTH! So we exchanged a few messages online and began texting.

Texting back and forth went on for a few days, then… there was the first phone call. He called me and what I had imagined he would sound like was totally off. I didn’t really give it much thought because we actually had a pretty good conversation about industry stuff and whatnot, he seemed very down to earth and humble, which I was into! I got off the phone before any kind of sex talk ensued and we picked up texting again. I’m not really the kind of person that likes to do a lot of corresponding via technology, I like to meet face to face to see if there is any chemistry. If there is no chemistry we are both just wasting our time. Since he stated that he was moving to Vegas from LA, he said he was staying at the Palms until he found a place. One day I was heading to the strip for some business and asked him if he wanted to meet up… he said he was in LA. At that moment I questioned him since he had just told me around 4am that he was getting back to his room at the Palms.

I decided to do a little investigating and typed his phone number into Facebook, lol… imagine my dismay when some random, engaged, donut shop worker from Salina, KS popped up! Needless to say I was FURIOUS. I understand people wanting to live out their fantasies but COME THE FUCK ON… WHY did you just waste several days of my time PRETENDING to be someone you’re not? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It just happened that he had his fiance linked to his profile so I commenced to send her an elaborate message about what he man does in his spare time. It may seem a little drastic, but dude deserved it.

← Guy I THOUGHT I was talking to…

Kolby Edwards

            Guy I was ACTUALLY talking to… →

I said what I had to say to the douche and told him that I had sent his fiance a long message. I didn’t hear back from him for a while but when he finally responded he begged me to not say anything to her, but it was too late. I told him his actions have consequences and that was that until later in the night when he text me “Is she mad?”… LMFAO, REALLY? You’re asking ME if YOUR fiance is mad at YOU? I told him I was done with him and haven’t heard a peep since.

The girlfriend never responded to me, but a few days later I checked and both of their Facebook pages were deleted, his online profiles were deleted and there is very little trace left of him and his fantasy persona. SMH… I would ask what is wrong with people, but I don’t have it in me to empathize.

Lesson: People can be anyone they want to on the other side of technology. Before you engage in pleasantries, get verification that they are who they say they are.

Until next time… thank you all for your LoVe and support!

Thanks isn’t enough!

This blog is far overdue and for that I sincerely apologize. So much has happened since my last entry, it will take several follow-up blogs to tell you everything, but for now I just want to get to the most important update. This is a follow-up to my last blog, In a time of need…

Both Platinum and I would like to thank those who lent a helping hand, whether it was $5 or $300, every cent mattered. We were overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and fans. We were able to move into a new home and acquire some of the basic necessities. We also appreciate everyone who donated household items to help us get started! There is no “Thank you!” big enough to express how grateful we are. We are blessed to have each and every person in our lives.

It has been a month since we moved into our new condo and I must say it is AMAZING! We were able to do some very inexpensive decorating and it feels just like home. It’s warm and full of life, but mostly SAFE. We live in a MUCH better, gated and secured community. LUCKILY, the rotten thieves didn’t steal my cupcake kitchen decor and it all fits perfectly in our new kitchen! Below you will find a couple of pics of our new place!

The only downside to our place is that the floors are bamboo throughout and the ceilings are high and vaulted so it makes quite an acoustic environment. When I say you can hear everything, I mean EVERYTHING! If a fly farts it echoes! When the vibrators are on it sounds like chainsaws and lawn mowers… don’t even get me started on hearing each other having sex, lol! I think our next project is to sound proof the bedrooms! Oh… and we a ghost, but it’s cool until it starts making messes!

Again, thank you ALL for your love and support. ❤

Reppin BBW!

Since I have been getting back into the swing of things and have been becoming more involved in the BBW world I have noticed a lot of things that have just really, for lack of a better term, repulsed me. Now these are just things that I have observed and experienced personally. The things I will talk about in this blog will be based solely on my own personal views and opinions. This blog will offend a few, but hey… honestly is my policy! I’ll say it right off the top… I’m not trying to be a bitch or insult anyone, I’m just describing my observations and sharing my opinions. With that said… let’s do this!

First and foremost I recognize that the world looks at the BBW industry as a niche. I also understand that most companies are mainstream and therefore focus their attention on the skinny, mainstream models. Because of this the quality of mainstream work is much better and sets the bar to very high standards. There are a few companies in the BBW realm who have met those mainstream standards, Sensational Video and Score just to name a couple, and they noticeably continuously strive for better. The majority of the other companies that shoot BBW content definitely do not even attempt to compete with mainstream standards as it’s just simply not in the budget.

With knowing that BBW is already looked at in such a way that it’s hardly recognized as a legitimate part of the industry makes me that much more adamant that the people who represent for the industry should do so in a fashion that holds up to the mainstream standards. Let me give a few examples, for instance… since a picture is worth a thousand words, below is an example of something people might remember for mainstream and then from BBW. Now which one would leave a lasting impression for you? The skinny girl who dressed like a Canary or the big broad who DIDN’T WEAR SHOES on the red carpet? I think the answer is clear.

Example #2
I recently attended an event where vendors where promoting and selling various things as I came across a booth that was promoting for an event concerning BBW models and what not. Now when I think of BBW models I think of pretty girls looking there absolute best. I think of outfits, hair, makeup and fun accessories… so imagine my dismay when I walked up to the booth and saw the organizer running it wearing a night-gown (I knew it instantly as I have the same one) with messy hair and no makeup. Really??? Is that the quality of model you want to show the world is going to be attending your event? My mother has more style and I don’t think she’s changed her hair or wore a stitch of makeup in over 20 years! Come on now…

Example #3
Social media: Now social media is a mess in all aspects, period. I have read Facebook and twitter feeds from all types of entertainers that makes you want to throw out your computer, leave western civilization and become a Buddhist monk. I have also noticed that the successful mainstream girls keep it light and fun with minimum drama… there’s always gotta be some drama, let’s be real. For the most part though, they stick to keeping their followers happy with sexy pics and interesting blurbs. Now on the other hand when I read my fellow BBW colleagues tweets I usually just shake my head in disbelief or quit reading as it too painful to go on. There’s so much animosity and contempt between girls that timelines are full of shit talking, cryptic messages and personal info that really needs to stay personal. I cannot lie and say I am not guilty of the occasional shit talking or cryptic message, but I can guarantee they are few and far between and will never fill someones feed with continuously spewed bullshit. It’s truly shocking that some girls even have fans who follow them when at any point in time they can be subjected to, or even the subject of, a serious rant or tongue lashing. I think the most disturbing though is the ratchet ghettoness of someone talking about sucking dick and making her pussy cum immediately followed by many pics of her several children. Seriously? I am all about being proud of your family, but seriously? Not the time nor place.

Example #4
This example again hits on the animosity and contempt that runs between women in our industry. Below is the exact PRIVATE text that I had personally sent someone after having enough with her shenanigans…

“Hey xxxxxxxx, this is Desiree. I tried to call you but there was no answer. I am going to ask you one time nicely to please keep my name out of your mouth. I have now had 3 people come tell me that you have mentioned my name and I don’t appreciate it. I don’t know you very well but you have quite a reputation and from what I can tell, it precedes you. I am not the kind of person that will talk behind your back, you will always know what I have to say first hand. I do not in any way shape or form be associated with you. To be associated with you is to be associated with bad business and drama. xxxxx also made it clear that he didn’t want to be associated with you but yet you choose to try to use his event to promote your own, grimy. As of this moment we have no beef but if you keep on, we will. Good luck to you.”

The following day several comments pop up on her public timeline and are forwarded to me accusing me of “Texts, threatening phone calls, posting nasty comments and call outs…”! As far as I know I sent one text but there were no threats, it wasn’t public and I was very nice considering the situation. The woman, who is old enough to be my mother mind you, goes on to say “All this shit talk, all this character reference all this kindergarten sand box shit…your middle age. You won’t be in porn for ever, worry bout what happens to u after the movies over…”… that’s some good advice, but I guess it’s more of a do as I say not as I do situation since the statements that followed were full of adult rational… “Shit starters, Stank Bitches and Broke ass bumb giggas, I eat you for breakfast.”

Unfortunately I’m not immune to bits of drama but I refused to get into any kind of back and forth with this person, or any person for that matter, as I just don’t think it’s worth the time and energy. Truthfully the only reason I bring it up now is because it is an example of the common types of drama that can totally be avoided on a public level if you just handle things privately.

I am not perfect and I need to do a much better job at handling certain situations, but I still believe that at some point the BBW world will rise to the occasion and show all the people who looked down on us that we deserve to be recognized and we can be just as beautiful and sought after as any one of those mainstream girls. This is my plea to every big girl in the World… hold your head up high, be proud of who you are, show everyone around you that you value yourself and take pride in your appearance because you know you’re worth it, but most of all LoVe yourself and everyone else will follow.

My final example is pure Plus Sized beauty personified… beauty runs deep.

As always, thank you for the continued love and support! (✿◠‿◠)

Free To Be Me!

A quick update: Well  I’m a couple of months settled into my place here and Vegas and as of now, it’s the best move I could’ve made! Not only have I gotten back to living a life I love, I have gotten back to WORK… lol! I still need to get to shooting again and start working on webcam more, but I’m definitely staying busy with traveling and private sessions. I gotta say… I LoVe my life!

As of lately everything has been going so well and I have been so happy I had almost all but forgotten about all the folks around the world that don’t exactly approve of my lifestyle and chosen profession. Today I received a text about how God disapproves of my sexual sin and need to find my way back into His grace before the end of days. My response to that… no response at all. Look… to all the Bible thumping Jesus freaks who think it’s their job to judge, you too are committing sin. I’m not sure why religious people seem to know less about the written word than us mere sinners, but it clearly states that no one sin is greater than the other. So if my sin is being a whore and your sin is judging me for it… then by the standards of YOUR God, we are both condemned to the depths of hell. I am by NO standards religious, in fact I actually disdain organized religion, but I am spiritual and believe that our existence is too perfect to have been by chance. However in MY world, I imagine the God that everyone speaks of is kind, accepting and ultimately forgiving.

I figure that if my family and friends know what I do and I can live with the opinions of the people who REALLY matter to me, everyone else’s opinion is irrelevant. As long as I can live with my choices knowing that I am not hurting anyone and can sleep with a clear conscience… I am free to be me, without regret. I may not live a conventional life, but I’m also not the kind of person that would be happy living in a box. My world is vast and amazing. I have been places that I never thought I would go, met people who I NEVER thought I would meet and have been able to do things, for myself and others, that I would have otherwise never been able to do.

The best part of being me is that I don’t judge and I don’t make people feel bad about who they are or how they live. I figure if you are not causing pain or drama then be exactly who you want to be. I have a picture hanging on my wall that says “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” and every day I read it and think “There’s no one else I’d rather be!” I may not be perfect but dammit, I’m pretty fuckin awesome! I urge you to live outside the box, be unique and don’t listen to those who throw stones. You only get one life and it’s up to you to live it to its fullest potential. If you’re looking for happiness, look inside yourself and make a choice to make a change. What’s right for you may not be what’s right for everyone else but that doesn’t make it wrong.

As always, thank you for the continued love and support! (✿◠‿◠)