Tag Archives: open letter

Kelly Shibari’s “Open Letter to Any Plus Size Women Wanting to Get into XXX”

My posts these days are few and far between, as my life has changed in vast ways, but I wanted to share this specific post. It’s long yet informative. Kelly Shibari and I have not always seen eye to eye, but she has a lot of good knowledge about our industry.

Though I don’t necessarily agree with everything Kelly has written, I agree with the premise. XXX is a brutal industry that will forever alter your future. If you are not FULLY equipped with the facts, then you should NOT go down the XXX road. If you are looking to get into the industry because you want the attention, great, but know that attention comes at a price. If you are not prepared to pay the price, move along.

One thing that is important to note is that the industry has changed greatly. We are no longer in the internet BOOM. There are so many free porn sites it’s ridiculous and people no longer pay for solo sites unless you have something unique that people simply can’t find elsewhere, which is a rarity.

If you chose the adult path after you are fully aware of what it entails, then I wish you ALL the luck in the world. It will not be an easy path and it will require a lot of hard work if you want it to be profitable. In my career I made a lot of money, but I also started back when more companies shot BBW and the market had not yet been saturated. I also escorted and was a pro domme for many years, which is where I made the bulk of my money. Porn gave me a name and allowed me to charge more for my time. I do not for a second regret my career in the adult industry and though I am a retired performer I still have a fondness for the industry itself and I may not be done. Adult work has made a lot of great things in my life possible, but it has come with its fair share of drama as well.

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you choose.

An Open Letter to Any Plus Size Women Wanting to Get into XXX

June 3, 2014 at 9:01am

I receive a lot of letters, FB messages, Twitter posts and DMs from plus size ladies wishing to get into the adult industry. I’ve responded to each in a similar way, but the letter below combines all of them in one place – (1) to save me time responding to each letter, and (2) because the response is the same 99% of the time:


I really cannot assist anyone trying to get into the adult industry.
There simply is not enough work in this industry, especially as a BBW, to make this a career. It doesn’t pay your bills. It just won’t.
In addition, when you ever decide to retire, you will have “former adult performer” in your background – which, before the Internet, wasn’t an issue. But now, it’s a very real issue. You won’t be able to get “real world” work unless you only work as a freelance worker. You’ll never be able to get a corporate job, be able to work in any line of work that involves people under the age of 18, and you’ll be stigmatized. You’ll lose your “friends,” potentially your family, and even the people in the industry who will pretend to be your “friends” to get you in? Trust me – it’s a means to get themselves work. The minute you start getting more work without them? You’ll be ignored, hated, and cast aside. It’s all about competition and ego, you see – you’re an asset if you can help THEM get work (“We can do a scene together!” is nothing more than “If I can bring you to so-and-so company, it means I can get work too!”). The minute you can’t, they could care less about you.
I say this not as a way to be mean. I’m just being honest.
Out of the many, MANY plus size performers who are, and were, in the industry, how many do you know? How many are in the press? How many appear to have “made it?” 2? 3? Would it surprise you to know that out of those few, ALL of them do not make a living out of JUST being an adult performer? That ALL of us actually pay our bills by doing other work? The girls who do make money living off of adult performing as plus size performers – they do so because they also escort.
The going rate for most plus size performing work:
Solo – $150 – $200
G/G – $200 – $300
B/G – $300 – $400
Most plus size companies don’t even bother with anything beyond these kinds of scenes. Most plus size companies will try to get you to do multiple scenes as a package deal – 1 solo, 1 blow job scene, 1 B/G scene – for $500 – $600 flat. If you break it down, you see how little you’re making per scene. And they won’t pay for travel or lodging.
On top of that, the average lifespan of work in xxx for plus size performers is less than 6 months. The reason? There aren’t that many legitimate companies in the industry who do plus size porn (4? 5 tops?)…and with the number of girls available, and coming in, and the sheer nature of porn as a whole being the desire to have variety – the fact is, once you’ve made your rounds to do a set of scenes for each company, they won’t want/need you again for another few months, if ever. You can’t depend on that sort of irregular income stream to pay bills.
Membership sites do not make money. I personally do not own one for this very reason. Most plus size adult performers with membership sites make $50-$100 a month – and that’s after putting in the effort to turn out photo sets, video updates, every single week. You spend more money than you make. My PaddedKINK site, that won awards? It made $300-$400 a month at its height – and it was all created with content trade shoots. It made just enough to pay for itself, and nothing in the way of profit – which means it didn’t pay my living expenses. Not even close.
Merchandising? What sort of merchandising? Branded sex toys make us about 2-10% commission per unit sold – which, again, makes less than $100 a month if you’re lucky. Most companies don’t pay for the initial branding buyout – it’s assumed it’s a branding win/win. You only make money if a product sells – and a commission from that. If a product sells for $30, and you’re only making $3 commission per unit at 10%, and $0.60 at 2% – you can do the math. It’s not like you’re selling thousands of units per month either, giving the current economic climate. And how many “branded” products by plus size performers do you know?
The work I’m currently doing – the work everyone is talking about – is a result of 7 years of work, of not being able paying my bills, of cashing out my IRA, of living in rented rooms rather than houses. It’s ALL branding. It’s not profit. Trust me on this. The reason I can even afford to do things and travel to conventions, etc, is because of the PR and Marketing work I do. That’s what pays my bills, and how I can live the way I do these days.
Don’t get me wrong – I love the work I do. But the returns of my investment isn’t financial. I’ve lost friends. I’ve had a hard time dating. I also know I’m an anomaly – I have a supportive family, and I’ve always been freelance. I’ve never had to deal with corporate shame. But I’ve also been through my personal hell on other levels that I’ll rarely let show to the public – though I’m now stronger for it.
If I only relied on my performing work? I’d be homeless.
My current performing rate has gone up to be similar to mainstream girls only after 7 years of work, and proving to companies that I will put in the time and effort to promote every project they put me in. My worth isn’t just from performing – it’s my added PR and Marketing background and exposure. It’s a lot of additional, unpaid work to make it worth it for companies to invest the extra money in me to even be considered for the same rate as mainstream performers. And even at that? I do maybe 3 films a year.
Sorry for the blunt nature of this letter. But people see what adult performers do, the media attention they get, are inspired to do the same – and I have to be honest about the reality of the work.
If you’re interested in gaining confidence, please do so with photo shoots for your own collection. Maybe try some webcamming to see how that might be – it’ll be a great way to see the ROI on the work you put in to entertain fans. If after that, you want to try to get into xxx, please go in knowing all of the inherent risks – and that it might be more about work, and your life during and after it, than it ever will be about STDs.
Good luck.