Kelly Shibari’s “Open Letter to Any Plus Size Women Wanting to Get into XXX”

My posts these days are few and far between, as my life has changed in vast ways, but I wanted to share this specific post. It’s long yet informative. Kelly Shibari and I have not always seen eye to eye, but she has a lot of good knowledge about our industry.

Though I don’t necessarily agree with everything Kelly has written, I agree with the premise. XXX is a brutal industry that will forever alter your future. If you are not FULLY equipped with the facts, then you should NOT go down the XXX road. If you are looking to get into the industry because you want the attention, great, but know that attention comes at a price. If you are not prepared to pay the price, move along.

One thing that is important to note is that the industry has changed greatly. We are no longer in the internet BOOM. There are so many free porn sites it’s ridiculous and people no longer pay for solo sites unless you have something unique that people simply can’t find elsewhere, which is a rarity.

If you chose the adult path after you are fully aware of what it entails, then I wish you ALL the luck in the world. It will not be an easy path and it will require a lot of hard work if you want it to be profitable. In my career I made a lot of money, but I also started back when more companies shot BBW and the market had not yet been saturated. I also escorted and was a pro domme for many years, which is where I made the bulk of my money. Porn gave me a name and allowed me to charge more for my time. I do not for a second regret my career in the adult industry and though I am a retired performer I still have a fondness for the industry itself and I may not be done. Adult work has made a lot of great things in my life possible, but it has come with its fair share of drama as well.

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you choose.

An Open Letter to Any Plus Size Women Wanting to Get into XXX

June 3, 2014 at 9:01am

I receive a lot of letters, FB messages, Twitter posts and DMs from plus size ladies wishing to get into the adult industry. I’ve responded to each in a similar way, but the letter below combines all of them in one place – (1) to save me time responding to each letter, and (2) because the response is the same 99% of the time:


I really cannot assist anyone trying to get into the adult industry.
There simply is not enough work in this industry, especially as a BBW, to make this a career. It doesn’t pay your bills. It just won’t.
In addition, when you ever decide to retire, you will have “former adult performer” in your background – which, before the Internet, wasn’t an issue. But now, it’s a very real issue. You won’t be able to get “real world” work unless you only work as a freelance worker. You’ll never be able to get a corporate job, be able to work in any line of work that involves people under the age of 18, and you’ll be stigmatized. You’ll lose your “friends,” potentially your family, and even the people in the industry who will pretend to be your “friends” to get you in? Trust me – it’s a means to get themselves work. The minute you start getting more work without them? You’ll be ignored, hated, and cast aside. It’s all about competition and ego, you see – you’re an asset if you can help THEM get work (“We can do a scene together!” is nothing more than “If I can bring you to so-and-so company, it means I can get work too!”). The minute you can’t, they could care less about you.
I say this not as a way to be mean. I’m just being honest.
Out of the many, MANY plus size performers who are, and were, in the industry, how many do you know? How many are in the press? How many appear to have “made it?” 2? 3? Would it surprise you to know that out of those few, ALL of them do not make a living out of JUST being an adult performer? That ALL of us actually pay our bills by doing other work? The girls who do make money living off of adult performing as plus size performers – they do so because they also escort.
The going rate for most plus size performing work:
Solo – $150 – $200
G/G – $200 – $300
B/G – $300 – $400
Most plus size companies don’t even bother with anything beyond these kinds of scenes. Most plus size companies will try to get you to do multiple scenes as a package deal – 1 solo, 1 blow job scene, 1 B/G scene – for $500 – $600 flat. If you break it down, you see how little you’re making per scene. And they won’t pay for travel or lodging.
On top of that, the average lifespan of work in xxx for plus size performers is less than 6 months. The reason? There aren’t that many legitimate companies in the industry who do plus size porn (4? 5 tops?)…and with the number of girls available, and coming in, and the sheer nature of porn as a whole being the desire to have variety – the fact is, once you’ve made your rounds to do a set of scenes for each company, they won’t want/need you again for another few months, if ever. You can’t depend on that sort of irregular income stream to pay bills.
Membership sites do not make money. I personally do not own one for this very reason. Most plus size adult performers with membership sites make $50-$100 a month – and that’s after putting in the effort to turn out photo sets, video updates, every single week. You spend more money than you make. My PaddedKINK site, that won awards? It made $300-$400 a month at its height – and it was all created with content trade shoots. It made just enough to pay for itself, and nothing in the way of profit – which means it didn’t pay my living expenses. Not even close.
Merchandising? What sort of merchandising? Branded sex toys make us about 2-10% commission per unit sold – which, again, makes less than $100 a month if you’re lucky. Most companies don’t pay for the initial branding buyout – it’s assumed it’s a branding win/win. You only make money if a product sells – and a commission from that. If a product sells for $30, and you’re only making $3 commission per unit at 10%, and $0.60 at 2% – you can do the math. It’s not like you’re selling thousands of units per month either, giving the current economic climate. And how many “branded” products by plus size performers do you know?
The work I’m currently doing – the work everyone is talking about – is a result of 7 years of work, of not being able paying my bills, of cashing out my IRA, of living in rented rooms rather than houses. It’s ALL branding. It’s not profit. Trust me on this. The reason I can even afford to do things and travel to conventions, etc, is because of the PR and Marketing work I do. That’s what pays my bills, and how I can live the way I do these days.
Don’t get me wrong – I love the work I do. But the returns of my investment isn’t financial. I’ve lost friends. I’ve had a hard time dating. I also know I’m an anomaly – I have a supportive family, and I’ve always been freelance. I’ve never had to deal with corporate shame. But I’ve also been through my personal hell on other levels that I’ll rarely let show to the public – though I’m now stronger for it.
If I only relied on my performing work? I’d be homeless.
My current performing rate has gone up to be similar to mainstream girls only after 7 years of work, and proving to companies that I will put in the time and effort to promote every project they put me in. My worth isn’t just from performing – it’s my added PR and Marketing background and exposure. It’s a lot of additional, unpaid work to make it worth it for companies to invest the extra money in me to even be considered for the same rate as mainstream performers. And even at that? I do maybe 3 films a year.
Sorry for the blunt nature of this letter. But people see what adult performers do, the media attention they get, are inspired to do the same – and I have to be honest about the reality of the work.
If you’re interested in gaining confidence, please do so with photo shoots for your own collection. Maybe try some webcamming to see how that might be – it’ll be a great way to see the ROI on the work you put in to entertain fans. If after that, you want to try to get into xxx, please go in knowing all of the inherent risks – and that it might be more about work, and your life during and after it, than it ever will be about STDs.
Good luck.

Bully Exposed: Lisa Marie Garbo

So after my last blog about Lisa Marie Ferguson aka Lisa Marie Garbo aka BBW Bunny Britney, I received a cease and desist letter from her attorney claiming Harassment, Internet Piracy, Cyber stalking, Cyber harassment, Intimidation and Stalking. I KNEW it was coming and I was more than happy to respond. Here you find a link to the .pdf titled Letter to Devine 11-22-13. This was the first C&D that I’ve ever actually responded to light weight hoping we went to court. Now I am in NO WAY shape or form a fan of the legal system, but to have ALL of Lisa Marie Garbo’s hideous natured acts be revealed in a public forum ON RECORD would be a huge check in the WIN column to stop this infamous bully.

Here is my response to the aforementioned cease and desist letter: LMG CAD Response 112213.

The fact that Lisa Marie Garbo is so narcissistic that she ACTUALLY believes that I have nothing better to do than sit around stalking her is simply pathetic. In my world Lisa Marie does not exist, I wish the same was true for those who have suffered her relentless bullying. Claiming that I am upset that she ban me from her club, mind you it was because her ex boyfriend was offering me cocaine and she thought we were flirting, was of no concern to me… come on LMG stop it.

This is a simple case of someone who has the potential to do so much positive, yet can’t exist without dragging people into her endless drama. What will be the cause of her ending her reign of terror? Who knows.lisa-marie-garbo-bully

Lisa Marie Garbo aka BBW Bunny Britney Reloaded

Disclaimer: The following blog contains explicit content. Everything in this blog can be verified as true. Video and images were found on public domains. Read at your own discretion.

So a few years back I wrote about Lisa Marie Ferguson aka Lisa Marie Garbo aka BBW Bunny Britney.  I actually took the blog down for a while. LMG asked me to remove it and I’d figured it had been a long time, I’d moved on, but she couldn’t be satisfied and keep her mouth shut. I had high hopes that putting the truth out there would help open people’s eyes to the manipulation of this horrible woman. A woman who should be struck down by God himself for having the AUDACITY of calling herself a positive role model. I can assure you that this woman is anything BUT positive. I wrote about my personal experiences with her and why I have a problem with her being the spokesperson of ANYTHING plus size community related. I talked about how Lisa Marie made up erroneous accusations about myself and other adult industry workers while trying to hide the fact that she was an escort, adult model and porn actress. Oh how she so quickly forgets the days of BBW Bunnies. (click here for a few glances back at some BBW Bunny Britney memorabilia)

Now there have only been a couple of times ever that I’ve put people out on blast. I can guarantee that this is not for my own personal gratification. Personally I could care less about Lisa Marie or what comes of her. I have no personal gain to call her out, but I am overwhelmingly disgusted at how her actions affect people who I love dearly. She is obsessive, spiteful, relentless, ruthless and just downright evil. Yes, I said evil. I believe that there are good and bad people  in this world. I also believe that there are good people who do bad things… she’s not one of those people. I have never experienced the kind of pathetic obsession that this woman has, to not only hurt people, but to DESTROY them. She isn’t content with making up stories, spreading rumors or sicking her minions on people… nope, not Lisa Marie… she has to go to the extent of involving the law, trying to make people lose their job, hurting families and on and on and on. It’s sickening.

Beyond the fact that i find her to be a repulsive human being, I find her to be THE WORST possible plus size role model! How can someone who has undergone numerous body modifying surgeries stand in the public eye and promote self acceptance? Beyond the body positive movement she likes to claim that she is anti-bullying. Really Lisa Marie, REALLY? You are THE ULTIMATE bully! You will make it your life’s goal to torture someone simply for the fact that they refuse to participate in your monstrous acts. You Ms. Ferguson are detestable. It baffles me to even think that you have made a living off of people who have NO earthly idea of the kind of scandalous wretch you are. Dressing up in your victim attire, poor Lisa, always being picked on for no reason. Bitch please! No one deserves retaliation more than you. Is this harsh? Absolutely! Why? Because you are loathsome and the things you have done to people who have damn near worshiped you are repugnant.

Here is a post written by one of Lisa Marie’s latest victims… it speaks volumes.

Thank you all for your supportive emails letting me know that my former friend was slandering me during this very difficult time in my life. I have done my best to take the high road since day one. But I can no longer remain quiet while allowing this person to slander my name, hurt my family and spread lies to further her sick and twisted vendetta against me. She made me promise to NEVER put her stuff out, and I have kept my word, but now that Lisa Marie Ferguson is attacking my family, and my credibility all that is out the door. As her famous words go… “I never do this, but & Karma” well here we go.

FRAUD??? DOES SHE REALLLLLYYYY WANT TO GO THERE? Just ask her ex DJ, the court awarded him $8000.00 Because she’s the real FRAUD! I think she forgets ALLLLL that I know!!!!!!!!!

You all know me from my time at Club Bounce as a friend and supporter of Lisa Marie FERGUSON. You know her as Lisa Marie Garbo as she hides behind this FAKE name for some reason. For years, I stood by her, was always loyal and believed the lies she spun on a daily basis. Two years ago, I decided that I had taken enough abuse after hearing her tell people I was her slave and would do anything she told me to do!!!! When confronted about it she told me to get over it, that she was drunk so who cares. That’s when things started to go downhill. If you have ever worked for her, or been a friend to her, you know that moving on is a concept that she does not understand. I have watched as she has lied about me to anyone who would listen. She has called me many things but now she is trying to tell people that my disability is fake and that I am trying to use my desire to see my daughter graduate from basic training as a scam to get money from people. My daughter is learning to defend our Country and this is the bullshit that I am dealing with. She has the audacity to call herself a role model, and say she’s against bullying. WTF is this??? My disability is all too real and something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. While being a wife, and mother to my two girls I have had 8 brain surgeries over the past 4 years. It takes time, and multiple examinations to be deemed disabled by the federal government. I am not too proud to admit to you that this has been incredibly hard on me, but I’m a fighter and I am surviving through the pain and living my life to the best of my ability! I am far from perfect, but never would I ever hurt someone just because I can.

If you know me at all, you know that i tell it like it is! So here it is folks, the real truth behind the curtain of Bounce and Lisa Marie “Garbo”. Did you know that you were being scammed to sign up for a fake calendar that to this day has NEVER been made? This and many “opportunities” just like it were just gimmicks to get you in the door out of fear that she was losing customers to other clubs in the area. Most recently she has attacked other promoters for having monthly popularity contests when in fact Miss Bounce was rigged quite often to make sure only pretty girls or regulars were the winners!

She was kicked out of Long Beach, Norwalk, AlHambra and Whittier. Don’t believe the lies about her leaving because it was better for the customer. She only left because the venue would no longer have her there. “Plumbing Issues” were nonexistent – those were Lisa issues. She likes to claim that people make threats to her locations, she plays the victim but in fact there were many times where she paid people to spy at other clubs and so much more. She always says she makes enough money that she doesn’t have to play dirty…well she just pays other people to do it for her. This woman has been stalking me ever since I left! She does it to everyone who ever gets the balls the leave! Anyone she is afraid of, she hires to work for her such as her current photographer, if you can call a perv with a camera a photographer and her personal security guard. Her favorite thing to do is sit at her computer for hours stalking former friends, and or employees. Banning people from her club for whatever reason she feels like and then claims that she doesn’t.

She will tell you she isn’t racist, but remember when we had to shut down for “plumbing issues” in Long Beach (which were actually due to gun violence and a stabbing) and the club temporarily moved to a less desirable location called the Copa Cabana. It was a fun spot but after the first few nights we were there, she said it was too ghetto for her and Jenn and I worked the door and managed things because she was too scared to go there. Ever wonder why she spends most of her time, up front and out of the club? Now you know!

All those TV shows that she supposedly was going to do, or gearing up to do…they all kicked her to the curb when they found out what she was really about and all of the things she has hidden in her past!!! Sadly I now wish they had gone through. So, the camera would have been rolling after she hugs you, and rolls her eyes and talks mad shit behind your back.

Since she brought up my medical health, you should know about the many plastic surgeries she has had in an effort to look thinner and made up stories about having knee surgery or pneumonia to cover up for the time it took her to recover. Size acceptance boosting surgeries such as upper thigh liposuction and tucks , multiple tummy tucks, botox applications and a facelift for good measure. All very hush hush and all were the times when as a friend I was there for her to help her recover and take care of herself. I literally had to help her wipe her own ass!! The many late night calls that she just knew someone was going to break in and rob her. The many calls that she is ready to end her life because she has no one. Of course always on Valentines, or Birthdays. She is a mental case, and I actually feel sorry for her. I was a friend so I helped her when she had no one else to be there for her because she has driven every real friend away with behavior just like she has done with me. She’s driven away her OWN family to the point where they want nothing to do with her! She likes to blame that on me as well, but the real truth is that they know her and that’s enough reason!

Obviously I could go on and on with factual statements from behind the scenes, but this is enough to let you know that the person talking all the trash, and trying to hurt me and my family is not someone who can be trusted. Always check out both sides of the story because you might just find out that the person talking the loudest and refusing to let go is not who she claims to be. She likes to use her money to buy friendships, gives gifts like manicures or hairdos so she will have someone to hang out with and then uses those gifts later to hold over your head…use as guilt trips to make you feel like you owe her…anyone that uses money or gifts to control people or buy friendships is not a trustworthy person or someone who deserves to be in my life or anyone else’s.

She has multiple people who literally HATE her…now you know why! No wonder she put in a mega security system and has to have someone follow her home at night to make sure no one gets her!!!! If that many people see you as an enemy after a while how can anyone not see who the real problem is??!!! SHE IS THE PROBLEM! I have always tried to move on and be the better person in this situation, and I always AM the BETTER person here! I felt it was time you knew the truth and you can decide for yourself! There are so many other things I could tell you, but I have a life and much better things to do with my time! This already took enough of it.

In conclusion, I fully expect the standard responses from the LMG camp… you know, the real adult comments like “Desiree Devine is a known hoe with STD’s!” LMFAO. Yup, I expect it all. I have never dealt with such immature “adults” in all my life. For a woman 13 years my senior, you would think she could handle her business like a REAL woman and not an immature psychopath, but that would be FAR too much to ask.

I’m not perfect, no one is, but there is NO reason to be so horrible. I think that when people learn to love themselves they learn to accept themselves and the world around them. When we’re happy as humans, we don’t have the desire to harm others. If you are miserable and misguided, seek professional help. There’s no shame in taking steps to live a better life.


Update time!

It has been SUCH a long time for me since I’ve been in any kind of business/corporate environment where I had to actually use my brain. At first I felt my mind cogs struggling to move, but now they’re on fire. Every minute I have new ideas and visions of what’s to come. For a long time I wondered what happened to me, now I know. I have a brilliant mind and I set it aside for the mundane. I stayed in a lifestyle that I’d come to hate for far too long, but never again. I was destined to do something amazing in this life and dammit that’s just what I’m going to do. Thank you to those who have stood by me through my struggle, thank you to those who have graciously lent a helping hand and thank you for those of you who believe in me… I won’t let you down!

Cal Exotics Posh® Silicone Rhythm “G”™

Posh® Silicone Rhythm “G”™

CA7_13Sooo, as I’ve stated in my previous reviews I am a HUGE fan of most things that vibrate, note I said most things…. this was not one of those things. I imagine if I was 5’5 and 98 pounds this toy would be amazing, but I’m not… I’m 6′ tall and 380 pounds. I found that with not much of a nob or handle to hold on to it was not easy to maneuver and the shorter length made it difficult to reach the important places.

I’m sorry to say that this toy was NOT fat girl friendly. I also found that this toy is for someone who has a sensitive clit, its vibration is a bit lackluster. I hate to say it, but Posh® Silicone Rhythm “G”™ was not my favorite review! BUT… I can’t wait for next month’s toy selection… I hope you cum again!

Overall here are my ratings:
Packaging 3/5
Vibration 2/5
Quality 3/5
Visual 4/5
Cost 2.5/5
Would I recommend this toy to readers? Maybe for small girls.
Will I use this toy personally? Not likely.
Average cost of toy: $24.99 (MSRP)
Toy features:
  • Bulk Weight: 3.8(oz) / 0.11(kg)
  • 4” x 1.5”/10.25 cm x 3.75 cm (shaft)
  • 1” x 0.5”/2.5 cm x 1.25 cm (stimulator)
  • Silky soft luxurious Silicone dual massagers
  • 3 petite designs for versatile use
  • 3 powerful speeds
  • Easy push button controller
  • Silicone (massager, button) ABS with PU Cote (controller) ABS with Silver Plating (décor ring)
  • Requires 1 AA Battery

Cal Exotics Tantric Mantra™

Tantric Mantra™


First I would like to start the review off by saying that, in most cases, I am not a big fan of multifunctional toys because the pleasure apparatuses never seem cohesive. However, for this toy I will make an exception. Though for me personally, I would prefer a more intense vibration, I liked how the free-floating pleasure beads worked in unison with the clitoral stimulator. I had to use a healthy amount of lube for the initial insertion, but then it felt amazing with the satin finish.

I can honestly say that I even thought that this toy was fat girl friendly. I had no problem with it being able to reach all the right places. I totally would also recommend this for someone who has a sensitive clit, it’s pleasurably subtle. I absolutely see why they call it the Tantric Mantra™, lol! I can’t wait for next month’s toy selection… I hope you cum again!

Overall here are my ratings:
Packaging   5/5
Vibration   2.5/5
Quality       5/5
Visual        5/5
Cost          3/5
Would I recommend this toy to readers?  Yes.
Will I use this toy personally?  Absolutely
Average cost of toy:  $59.99 (MSRP)
Toy features:
  • Bulk Weight: 8(oz) / 0.23(kg)
  • 4.75” x 1.5”/12 cm x 3.75 cm (shaft)
  • 2.25” x 1”/5.75 cm x 2.5 cm (stimulator)
  • Premium Silicone dual stimulators
  • 2 speeds of independent vibration
  • 2 speeds of independent rotation, plus reverse rotation
  • Free floating mystical pleasure pearls
  • Satin Finish™ controller
  • Easy push button controls
  • Silicone (massager, buttons) ABS with PU Cote (controller) ABS with Silver Plating (décor) Stainless Steel (control panel)
  • Requires 4 AAA Batteries

Cal Exotics Jumpin’ Gyrator™ Mini-Rocket

Jumpin’ Gyrator™ Mini-Rocket


This is my first installment, of many more to cum, as a Cal Exotics Sexpert. I was VERY excited to get my first toy to review so when it arrived I put it RIGHT to work! Now let me start of by saying that I am an avid bullet user. I LoVe bullets because they are discreet, easy to travel with and for a plus size girl, easy to use with a partner… I’ve also used them on my partner, lol!

When I received the Jumpin’ Gyrator™ Mini-Rocket I opened it right away and was pleasantly surprised with how sturdy it was. The first thing I check for with a bullet is how strong the cord is and it was appropriately secure. When I put the batteries in and turned it on I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the massive vibration, but it wasn’t disappointing. I would say that it was average for a bullet. It’s easy to clean and it’s satin finish allows for a more secure vaginal placement.

Overall here are my ratings:
Packaging   5/5
Vibration   3.5/5
Quality       5/5
Visual        5/5
Cost          4/5
Would I recommend this toy to readers?  Yes.
Will I use this toy personally?  Absolutely
Average cost of toy:  $19.99 (MSRP)
Toy features:
  • Bulk Weight: 2.3(oz) / 0.07(kg)
  • Silky smooth, swirled, turbo powered, multi-use mini stimulator with extreme vibrating and gyrating action
  • Multi-speed
  • EZ grip power pack with slide control
  • 2.5” x 1”/6.25 cm x 2.5 cm
  • Requires 3 AA Batteries